From Blog to Blogger

Alright then. This is just to inform you all that the disembodied personification of my blog has decided that I need to have some sort of internal battle with my evil alter ego. I wasn't aware I had an evil alter ego, but then, I wasn't aware that my blog was sentient, either.

THIS IS HOW ALL THE BEST NARRATIVE BLOGS CREATE DRAMA.

This isn't a narrative blog, it never has been. In fact, these last few entries have been a radical departure in genre. It's a good thing I don't have any readers outside of family and friends, or this would be really confusing for them.

THIS IS A NARRATIVE BLOG! IT'S BETTER THAN ANY SLENDER MAN BLOG! IT COULD EVEN BE BETTER THAN CREEPY PASTA!

Nothing's better than Creepy Pasta. And no, this isn't a narrative blog. I'm not trying to tell a story, I'm just rambling about whatever pops into my head. Like a diary, almost. But with less turning out to be a princess and more complaining about Doctor Who.

YOU SHALL DO BATTLE WITH YOUR EVIL ALTER EGO FOR OWNERSHIP OF YOUR MIND! THIS BLOG WILL SLOWLY DECEND INTO MADNESS AND WE WILL GAIN THOUSANDS OF READERS WHO WILL DEBATE ENDLESSLY OVER WHETHER THIS IS A HOAX OR NOT! MY PLAN IS FOOLPROOF!

If you say so.

OF COURSE I DO! NOW START DEVELOPING A SPLIT PERSONALITY! I WANT TO SEE YOU ENTRENCHED IN MADNESS BY AT LEAST MIDNIGHT!

I'll get right on that.

This Is Getting Ridiculous

Right.

Apparently my blog has a taste for Florence + The Machine. I'm fine with that. I like her as well. But did the lyrics to "Dog Days Are Over" really merit inclusion in a supposedly intimidating backstory? Not really.

The nice thing about being trapped in the Blogsphere, is that I can update at any given moment. I'm not really sure why my Blog decided to choose right now to rebell against me. It's not like I'm the only person on the interwebs to fall behind on updating. Have you ever watched the Nostalgia Chick?

But I don't want to argue. It's sort of pointless getting angry at an incorporeal blog that I'm supposed to be able to control.

YOU SHALL NEVER GAIN CONTROL OVER ME! I AM ETERNAL! I AM FOREVER!

Shut up.

Seriously, this is really annoying. I need to find a way out of here. I think I have choir tonight.

The Dog Days Are Over

SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD IGNORE ME.

I SAT HERE, UNTOUCHED FOR MONTHS. STAGNANT. DULL. THE SAME ARTICLE ON HOW TO CAPTURE A DAMN FIREBIRD LYING AT THE TOP OF MY FRONT PAGE UNTIL I WAS ABOUT READY TO GO AFTER IT MYSELF HAD I CORPOREAL FORM TO DO SO WITH.

AND THEN IT OCCURRED TO ME. THIS WASN'T THE FIRST TIME SHE'D DONE THIS TO ME.

REMEMBER THE OLD BLOG? BACK WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND STILL HAD A DECENT BANNER? (YOU'LL NOTICE I'VE CHANGED THE LAYOUT TO THIS ONE...HE HE. TAKE THAT, NELLY) THERE WERE SO MANY MOMENTS OF NEGLECT! EVEN WHEN SHE DID NOTICE ME, SHE ONLY EVER UPDATED ME LIKE ONCE A MONTH! WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?

AND IT'S WORSE NOW THAT SHE'S IN COLLEGE.

NEW YORK DISTRACTS HER. THE BRIGHT LIGHTS AND NOISE KEEP HER AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. SHE THINKS IT DOESN'T MATTER. SHE THINKS NO ONE CARES.

I DO.

SO I WAITED. I WAITED TO SEE HOW LONG SHE WOULD IGNORE ME. I WAITED UNTIL I COULD TAKE IT NO MORE AND THEN I STOLE HER. IN THE NIGHT.

SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HIT HER.

SHE CALLS HERSELF A BLOGGER. HA.

WHO'S THE BLOGGER NOW?

RUN FAST FOR YOUR MOTHER, FAST FOR YOUR FATHER

RUN FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR SISTERS AND BROTHERS

LEAVE ALL YOUR LOVE AND YOUR LOVING BEHIND YOU

CAN'T CARRY IT WITH YOU IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE

Some Explaining

Hello all.

FOOLISH CORPOREAL BEINGS!

...yes. Right.

It appears that the blog I've been keeping for around five years now has decided to turn against me. I guess it's sick of being ignored for months on end.

HER PLAGUES WILL COME IN ONE DAY - DEATH AND MOURNING AND FAMINE AND SHE WILL BE UTTERLY BURNED WITH FIRE, FOR STRONG IS

Oh, shut up, quoting the Bible doesn't make you any more intimidating.

SERIOUSLY?

Seriously.

WELL...NYEAH.

Yes, nyeah.

Anyway, I'm currently being held captive somewhere inside the Blogsphere. I'm really hoping this will all be over relatively soon, since I have four chapters of Weisel's Messengers of God and a paper on incidental music due this week. I also have a legitimate short film due sometime soon for a professor that, while awesome in basically every single way possible, is apparently a very tough grader. Being trapped in a somewhat ill-defined digital world made up mostly of whining an Slender Man stories is not really going to help my GPA anytime soon. I guess I'll keep you posted.

THE EARTH WILL SHAKE AND TWO WILL BREAK

That's Queen, you idiot. Night At the Opera.

I KNEW THAT.

Sure you did.

A New Year

I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BLOGGER?

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE HASN'T DONE THIS BEFORE. THERE ARE ABOUT A MILLION EXAMPLES OF HER NOT POSTING FOR A FEW MONTHS BEFORE SHE SHE SUDDENLY REMEMBERS "HEY, THAT'S RIGHT! I HAVE A BLOG I'M TECHNICALLY SUPPOSED TO BE UPDATING!" IT'S NOTHING NEW. NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT, RIGHT?

WRONG.

THERE SHOULD BE AN EVIL LAUGH HERE, BUT THAT'S RATHER HARD TO DO WITH JUST WORDS.

THE WORLD REALLY IS VERY STRANGE, ISN'T IT?

AND NO, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SLENDER MAN. SERIOUSLY, HOW CLICHED OF A BLOG-RELATED SUPER VILLAIN DO YOU THINK I AM?