The World Is Very Strange

A Powerpoint! Yay!

2012-01-31T07:06:00.000-08:00

A Powerpoint

View more presentations from NellyOfExeter.

I made this to teach myself and my roommate how to use Slideshare. It was good times. I need coffee so hard right now.

*Nelly*

Live From New Hampshire

2012-01-08T11:57:00.001-08:00

With all these people keeping tabs and blogging about the New Hampshire primaries, I feel like, as a native New Hampshire dweller currently sitting here, I should add my own observations.

It's warm as hell.

My high school is being taken over by Mitt Romney supporters.

A giant Ron Paul sign kept me from getting any cellphone service at a creepy convenience store on the side of the road the other night.

And seriously, it's warm as hell. Tonight's low is 22. In January. I know politics, by nature, especially Republican politics, tend to generate a lot of hot air, but this is just ridiculous.

Could it be Ron Paul? The space infront of his abnormally large sign was the only place in Exeter the other night that didn't have service. Even my car had trouble starting...though, that's not really that unusual. But seriously! As soon as I managed to pull away from the sign, my phone had power again! If Ron Paul's sign can do that, imagine what sort of strange, evil, reality warping powers the man himself must possess? He must be the one changing the weather! I knew it had something to do with the primaries! That must be it!

Deep down, beyond that old, conservative, white guy exterior, Ron Paul is, in fact, Slender Man.

DRAMATIC MUSIC!

Or, possibly Cthulhu. One or the other.

MORE DRAMATIC MUSIC!

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what's really going down here in New Hampshire this primary season. Take that as you will.

Doctor Who Meets Sleep Deprivation

2011-12-01T09:07:00.001-08:00

I haven't slept much lately. I've slept a bit. I've spent more time trying to sleep than actually sleeping. In other words, I've been awake a lot. And tired. Very, very tired.

So naturally, in my sleep deprived state, I turned to Doctor Who.

I used to do this all the time in high school. I've always had somewhat insomniac tendencies to me, and whenever it got particularly bad, I've noticed, is when I always seem to get back into Doctor Who. I don't know why, it doesn't make much sense, but it seems that the show has become my go to "thing to do when I can't sleep". Granted, even when I'm not experiencing a period of sleeplessness, I still love it. But, there's something about being totally sleep deprived that makes me think "Hey, I should re-watch some Doctor Who."

And so, I did.

On Tumblr recently people have been talking about "things they like that no one else likes." I'm not sure how the topic began, but it seems to have taken the place by storm. I don't usually respond to Tumblr things, because I don't usually write on Tumblr much. I have a blog, it seems somewhat redundant to post long winded things that don't matter in two different places on the internet, so I usually just use Tumblr to reblog pictures I find funny and to read feminist criticisms of DC Comics and Disney movies.

But, of course, because I haven't been sleeping, and because I've been watching so much Doctor Who, it got me thinking. Not really coherently, of course. It's a miracle I can currently string more than one word together as it is. But it got me thinking about things that I like that no one else seems to, or at least, that are fairly conflicted, specifically in Doctor Who. I remember back to when I was massively, unhealthily involved in the Doctor Who fan community, specifically the Outpost Gallifrey forums (which, I believe, have a different name now) where I was constantly reading other peoples' opinions on various episodes, and how I occasionally disagreed, but usually wasn't terribly fussed. I never really spoke much on the forums, I just read. But, with all the debate that went down, and all the controversy over which episode was the greatest piece of speculative fiction ever written, and which was clearly thrown together in the space of an hour, there was one episode that seemed to get it the hardest.

Now, this may have changed. I haven't been on the forums in years, not since before series four. I haven't read any forum posts on the current run of the show, and, to be honest, I don't even know if my account would still work. Maybe there's a new "love it or HATE it" episode that's enraging people, I don't know. But back in high school, when I was knee deep in discussion and fanfiction, the episode that sparked a thousand forum wars was series two's "Love and Monsters"

"Love and Monsters" was an interesting experiment. It was the first of what was to become traditional, one episode per series being "Doctor light" meaning, that it made limited use of the show's primary leads. With the limited screen time of the Doctor and his companion, their actors could be off filming a different episode while simultaneously filming this one, the allowing two episodes to be done at once without overworking the actors. This was done to save money and to get an extra episode out per series.

As with any new idea, the concept of an episode that made limited use of the Doctor was a bit of a gamble, and took some time to perfect. The series three "Doctor light" episode "Blink" is generally considered to be very, very good, and even ended up winning a Hugo award. Series four threw the formula for a bit of a loop and had one episode that was "Doctor light" but "Companion centric" and one that was "Companion light" and "Doctor centric", and both episodes are strong contenders for my favorite new series episode of all time.

But though everyone grew to like the formula, some even looking forward to what they would do with it this time, there was always that controversial first one, "Love and Monsters". Despite being significant, the episode is not commonly remembered fondly. I remember there being a discussion about Russel T. Davies' writing on the forums and someone commenting that they "liked the guy, liked his writing, but there was no excuse for Love and Monsters" People just didn't know what to do with it.

Here's a quick summary: A man named Elton (not the funny sunglasses one) keeps a video blog documenting his encounters with extraterrestrial activities, in particular, the time he came downstairs as a child and saw the Doctor standing in his living room. We follow him as he makes friends, falls in love, runs into monsters, and eventually gets his mystery solved. The entire episode is an examination of the lives of the people the Doctor leaves behind, those whose lives he touches but who never really get the full story.

I adore this episode. I think it's beautiful. While it may not be the epitome of "Sci-Fi" it is a gorgeous example of character writing. Every character is fleshed out and interesting. Every one is clearly separate, and defined. The friends that Elton makes are all people whose lives have been touched by the Doctor in someway, and though initially that is the only reason they meet up and band together, we get to watch as their relationship evolves into legitimate friendship, as their meetings to discuss the Doctor become less about the Doctor, and more about simply being with each other.

The group is a bit of an affectionate parody of Doctor Who fans, people who are quirky and excitable and drawn to this one subject, but who are also generally sweet, normal people with all sorts of talents and interests. The villain of the piece, an alien disguised as a ruthless man called Victor Kennedy, is representative of the small, terrible minority of fans who seem to only exist to suck the fun out of fandom. He shows up, tells them they're not serious enough, and forces them to use their meetings for nothing more than hard work. He takes their passion, which they had been using as an inspiration for art, for writing, and as an outlet for social interaction, and morphs it into serious, hard work.

One of the major complains was that the villain's true form, a cartoonish green creature called the "Absorbaloff" was too ridiculous and stupid, but really, when it comes down to it, the episode wasn't about him. The episode was about the relationships between people and the complete craziness of life, and the fact that he was ridiculous and cartoony only served to make the final outcome more absurd, and because of that, more tragic. A big theme is Elton's loss of control over his life, it's literally crashing down around him, and a lot of that is due to the completely absurd things he finds happening to him. The episode would lose something if the villain was more traditionally intimidating, because, as a viewer, this is what we find normal. There is nothing absurd about a traditionally intimidating villain victimizing someone, the character will find it odd, but the audience will be comfortable and accepting of it. Having a truly ridiculous villain, that not only the character but the audience itself finds absurd, forces the audience to really feel the complete ridiculousness of the character's situation, thus making the absurdity and tragedy of the story even more poignant.

It's kind of like Brecht. But with prosthetic, green monsters.

I particularly love the scene with Rose's mother Jackie. Rose was the Doctor's companion at the time, and was only about my age. Her mother was only ever seen when Rose went home, and though she did get a good deal of character development from those episodes, it is in "Love and Monsters" that we finally get to see her when she's left alone. We see her pain and her worry; the fact that she literally has no idea where her only daughter is, only that she could be anywhere in the most dangerous corners of time and space. We see how devastated she is, and how lonely she, but also how fiercely protective she is of both her daughter and the Doctor.

Her subplot revolves around Victor Kennedy sending Elton to infiltrate her life to get information on Rose. Eventually, Jackie and Elton become good friends, Elton genuinely enjoying spending time with her. She tries to seduce him, at one point, but then admits that she was being stupid and that she was only doing it because she was lonely. Elton realizes then that he is in love with someone else, his friend Ursula, but that he values Jackie as a friend, and offers her a pizza and movie night.

Things seem to be going great, until he returns with the pizza to find a very livid Jackie who has just found a picture of Rose in his jacket pocket. This scene in particular is exceptional. Jackie takes a moment to yell at Elton, pointing out that it's never her, that it hurts to be left behind, and that despite all of this, she will protect her daughter and the Doctor until the ends of the Earth. Her monologue is beautifully written, and very well acted, and it forces you to look at Jackie in a whole new light.

In the end, of course, the Doctor and Rose show up and the monster is defeated. Elton finally gets his mystery solved, and despite having lost everything, manages to find peace. His final line to the camera is, honestly, one of my favorite quotes off all time:

"When you're a kid, they tell you it's all 'grow up. Get a job. Get married. Get a house. Have a kid, and that's it.' But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It's so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better."

Like Jackie defending the Doctor and Rose until the ends of the Earth, I will defend this episode. Yes, it's atypical, yes, it's got some strange, cartoony elements to it, and yes, it's not exactly hard science fiction. But that doesn't stop it from being beautiful. While it's not a bitter deconstruction of everything Doctor Who is, like series four's "Midnight", it is a decidedly different look at the show, it's mythos, and it's fans. I realize a lot of people didn't quite get it, but to those who didn't, maybe you should take another look.

And that, to answer Tumblr, is what I love that everyone else seems to hate. If you haven't seen it, check it out. I'm going to try to get some sleep.

*Nelly*

The Great Adderall Shortage of 2011

2011-10-26T14:48:00.000-07:00

Yep. It appears we have a crisis on our hands. There is no adderall. Anywhere.

Well, ok, there is. But it feels like it's nowhere.

I've been diagnosed with ADD since I was fourteen, and I haven't gone this long without it, during the school year, since my freshman year of high school. It's annoying. I should be writing a script and trying to organize my film shoot this weekend, but no, instead I'm typing up a blog entry. An entry which, at this point, I may not even finish.

Hooray.

It's not like I can't live without it or anything. I can live perfectly fine. It's just hard. Everything is infinitely harder to do simply because my brain can't focus on anything long enough to actually accomplish something. I'll start things like crazy. I'll start things and then get distracted by my room, some music, the damn ceiling...

Even just then, as I was looking around for distracting things to list, I got distracted by the fake flowers on my roommate's desk. I can't even stop myself from being distracted long enough to list things that I'm getting distracted by.

I suppose I should talk about something a bit more interesting than my struggles with my own attention span.

New York Comic Con! I went to New York Comic Con. It was awesome. So many things happened to me, and eventually, I'll probably tell you about them. Batman told me he was the night, Eliza Duskhu was three feet from me, I met the Nostalgia Chick, I grilled Bruce Timm about female characters in the DCAU, was rendered unable to speak for at least three seconds during all of these encounters, sometimes for longer. I got to preview two things, and hang out with my friends, and overall, it was awesome.

I'll write more about it, I promise, I just...you know, got distracted by the light up pumpkin on my desk. It doesn't actually light up anymore. I should really put more batteries into that.

Anyway! Um, what else? Oh! I'm filming a movie this week for "Intermediate Film Production" my current film class. I think it's technically "RTVF 47" but "Intermediate Film Production" just sounds so much more impressive. It's called "The Short Halloween" and is about a little girl who fends off the Joker with a bucket of Halloween candy. I finally got the damn thing cast, I have a location, and I finally have costumes (with considerable help from my Joker who, thankfully, provided his own costume and make up) and despite my raging ADD, seem to be fairly on top of things.

Of course, in film, being "fairly on top of things" translates to "Oh my god, I'm filming this weekend and I'm going to DIE." But, you know, I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling that.

I'd mention that I've been reading a lot of Slender Man blogs lately, but apparently, every time you mention "Slender Man" on a blog, someone, somewhere puts it on a list of possible Slender Man stories. I promise this isn't a Slender Man blog. I've had this blog for years, and I have no intention of turning it into a Slender Man story. This is, and always will be, a place for me to rant and rave and kill a few spare moments.

Apologies to those who have no idea what I'm talking about. Slender Man's a...well, Google it. If you really want to. Just don't plan on sleeping.

Anyway! What else? Um, Halloween is coming up? I wanted to do something really epic, but it's the day after my shoot and I have to read fourteen pages of Fathers and Sons for Russian Literature. I wanted to be Goth Princess Peach, but I'm starting to lean more towards "Overtired College Student" I think I could pull that off pretty easily.

Oh, and speaking of Russian Literature, what the hell is up with Russian Literature? Every story, if it was written during the nineteenth century can be summed up as "This guy who is kind of a dick falls in love with this woman who is either evil and stupid and then tragedy strikes because life is cruel."

Yeah. Sounds pleasant, right?

We just read "First Love" by Ivan Turgenev, which is literally fifty pages detailing this one teenager's semi-abusive relationship with this 21-year-old who's having an affair with his father. In fifty pages...not much happens. There's a lot of dramatic sulking, elderly princesses snorting from snuff boxes, contemplation of the protagonist's navel, and people getting hit with horse whips. When you list things off like that, it actually sounds pretty exciting.

It's not. It's really, really not.

While it is, by no means, on par with Ethan Frome in terms of sheer excruciating literary agony, it's not something I would ever choose to read again. Here is a rough transcript of the conversation my roommate and I had after we finished it:

Roommate: I hate Russian Literature.

Me: All of it?

Roommate: All of it.

Me: Oh, come on, it's just one story.

Roommate: And all the others. I want to kill myself.

Me: Ok, well, that's fair. But, what about that one about the two Russian officers stuck on an island? We liked that one.

Roommate: That's because they were cray-cray!

To be honest, I don't actually know how to spell "cray cray" but that is an exact quote.

So yeah, despite the fact that my professor said at the beginning of the semester that he was going to try to break the misconception that all of Russian Literature was dark, depressing, angst-ridden tales of torment, he hasn't really given us much else to read. It's all been, literally, a dick-ish protagonist, an evil or stupid woman, some romantic mishaps, then tragedy.

Except of course for that one about the two Russian officers stuck on an island. That was hilarious.

So yeah, I don't think I have much else to say. I have to go to the bathroom, my hair is up, there's a large coffee cup and a coke next to me, I have more to do than I can possibly keep track of, and last weekend Batman told me he was the night.

I think that about sums it up.

I hope this adderall shortage ends soon. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

*Nelly*

One Morning In New York

2011-09-12T04:53:00.001-07:00

I would just like to state for the record that I am not dead.

While it's true, I've been up for over twenty four hours and I kind of feel like a zombie, and I haven't posted since mid July, I am in fact physically alive.

At the moment I am, in fact, listening to the dulcet tones of my roommate's second alarm. Despite repeated cries of "Hey, don't fall asleep again!" she appears to remain fairly comatose. This is a wondrous, mystical skill that I wish I possessed, but sadly, do not. This is evidenced by the fact that I have been up all night for no reason at all.

Hark! She has awoken! And what does she have to say?

"Ungh. Hello world."

When pressed further she added, "You're not getting much more out of me."

Joining in this epic stampede of wakefullness is our suitemate , Molly. She is currently sporting a somewhat anime-esque, electric blue, "sticky-up" hair style that, quite honestly, would look great on the head of a particularly creative mad scientist. When asked what she has to say this fine morning she responded with "Ignacius."

What does she mean? I have no idea. Probably her sled. Maybe.

It's a few minutes later and she's just walked into my room in a purple soccer jersey and a pair of black leggings. For some reason, she's come to me to find out whether she can pull off the leggings. I respond in my usual eloquent manner when faced with fashion related questions at eight in the morning.

"Um."

This is apparently not an appropriate enough answer, as she quickly moves the question to my roommate, Sarah, who is currently occupying the shower. The suite goes quiet as Molly retreats to her room, as if lying in wait for something massive to explode. Personally, if I put my money on anything exploding, it would be on the futon. We have a warning sign on it and everything. Apparently it's been known to eat people.

The shower turns off. The silence is now deafening.

Realizing that clothing may be required if I wish to continue my education today, I take a moment to wander over to the dresser and ponder my options. Given the fact that I look like a zombie, it's probably better for me to avoid anything with rips or tears in it, or anything that might look like it belongs on a corpse. I opt for a red shirt I've worn eight million times that I would describe in greater detail if I really cared enough to do so.

Take that, fashion website that thought I'd make a welcome addition to their list of bloggers.

My roommate has returned, towel clad and smelling of soap, to inform me that she is going to turn off the air conditioning for a bit. This is met with no resistance as it is beyond freezing in here and I left my slippers in New Hampshire.

"What class do you have this morning?" I ask.

"Industrial Design."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah," she responds as she sorts through her bag clad in nothing but underwear, "Not really."

It's interesting living with someone who is comfortable enough to wander around half naked as long as she's in the confines of her own room. Perhaps it's because she grew up in an environment of two, relatively close in age sisters, and I grew up as an only child for the first eight years of my life. But then, if my parents are to be believed, I apparently had no qualms about nudity as a child, being a frequent performer of nude one-person operas on the rock next to our house. It's only as an adult that I seem to have developed a bizarre sense of modesty.

Go figure.

Molly has returned and reports that she just had a nice conversation with our building's janitor. Apparently, he's a really interesting, really sweet guy. I make a mental note to stop and chat with him sometime.

Molly picks up a few things and announces that she's going to leave.

"Have fun!" I say.

"Yeah. Probably not," is the reply.

I wish I could say that I was different to my roommates and that I was actually looking forward to my class this morning, but to be honest, I really can't. It's my first actual film class of the semester, the next level of the production class I took last year. It's a different professor to the last one I had, which means I have less of a chance of getting told to sleep with my film, but it means that I'm going to spend the first couple of weeks feeling the need to prove myself. This is, I realize, inherently stupid, but it's something I can't seem to get past and probably never will. We haven't even met yet and I already have two pitches due, neither of which I'm at all confident about. At the moment it sort of feels like every letter I'm typing is simply bringing me closer to my doom.

I'm sure that's happening to everyone. Right?

I have fifty minutes.

There is a distinct art to leaving for class. It is a skill with many facits to it that requires many, many hours of practice and at least one semester of never managing to get there on time. One must decide first when to wake up, then when to shower, when to sit and internet, when to get dressed, when to do hair and makeup (though this step is decidedly optional) when to get your things together, and finally, when to actually leave. Each of these steps form a carefully choreographed dance that allows one to balance the supposedly peaceful process of waking up with the utter terror of getting marked down by your professor for being late.

As should be obvious, the most important aspect of all this, and by far the hardest to get right, is timing. In the morning, timing is everything.

There are several ways you can go with this depending on what sort of person you are.

Are you:

A.) Obsessively punctual? - Leave at least a half an hour before anyone else in their right mind ever would, and go straight to class. Also, wake up before everyone else and steal the shower.

B.) Consistently punctual? - Leave at least a half an hour before class, and stop for coffee along the way. You will most likely be second in the shower.

C.) Barely punctual? - Leave about fifteen minutes beforehand, stop for coffee, and make it just as your professor is reading your name off. Expect a lukewarm shower.

D.) Rarely punctual? - Leave whenever you can get yourself into some clothing and shove your stuff into your bag. No coffee, no shower, just panic. Also, try not to sleep through your alarm.

All these variations of the same basic morning routine will get you to class on time as long as they are timed absolutely perfectly to the way you tend to function. Times vary on how far away you are to any giving building, so if you've recently moved, expect some shaky ground as you test the kinks out.

Myself? I am of the consistently punctual variety. I'm not the first one in class, but I always beat the professor, and I very rarely have to skip the coffee.

Which brings me to the closing of this entry. My roommate has just left, and considering her class is only fifteen minutes before mine, I should probably stop blogging and get going.

Expect something more interesting the next time I post.

*Nelly*

The Devil, Smoking, and Walt Disney

2011-07-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

The Disney Animated Canon is hardcore.

Seriously, take a look at it sometime. It's got dragons with the powers of hell, wizards who will turn you into fish, rats that like to drown widows and orphans, Nazi lions, lustful, genocidal judges, and even the devil himself.

Or, you know, Chernobog, depending on who you ask. Because Disney loves shout outs to obscure Slavic mythology. Apparently.

At the beginning of the summer I decided to try and get my way through the entire Disney Animated Canon. Why? Because I can. I'm working as a carpooler this summer, so I have a lot of time on my hands, and since I recently got unreasonably interested in the behind the scenes politics at Disney, I thought it might be a fun project.

There are fifty films in the official Disney Animated Canon. This includes the studio's primary theatrical releases, like Fantasia and Beauty and the Beast, but doesn't include direct to video sequels, like Return of Jafar, or things released by Disney but not made in house, like The Nightmare Before Christmas or anything made by Pixar.

Most of the official "canon" films are easily recognizable because they're famous and you've seen them a million times, but there are a few that are more obscure. For example, when you think Disney, do you ever think Melody Time? Or Saludos Amigos? Or what about Home On The Range? If you haven't heard of that last one, consider yourself lucky. Supposedly, it's extremely prestigious to be a "canon" film versus just a standard Disney film. Disney is always going around treating the canon with a sort of reverence usually reserved for fine art or religious iconography. Not that Disney films can't be considered art. Certainly, some of the films are rich with detail and intricate artwork and boast some of the best music the world of animation has ever heard. But you can always tell which of the canon films Disney considers legitimately canon, and which ones are there purely by virtue of being animated, theatrical non-sequels.

For example, you know how Disney is always re-releasing their films whenever new technology comes out, or really just whenever they feel like it? Sleeping Beauty for instance, has "Masterpiece Collection" VHS release, a special edition DVD release, and a "Diamond Edition" DVD and BluRay release. All of these are crammed with special features, behind the scenes reels, production art, and a million other things that ensures that you'll get your fill of Sleeping Beauty. Now look at another film, 1985's The Black Cauldron. Not one of their better films, admittedly, but still technically in the canon. It got a a "25th Anniversary Edition" DVD release in 2010 containing one disk with a deleted scene, an interactive game, and a Donald Duck short. That's it. There was no marketing for it, nothing to at all signify that it was important, or really that it even existed. In discussions of Disney's films, it's almost never included, and I'll bet you anything you'll never see a ride based on it at Disney World.

So what we have here is fifty films considered to be the "true" Disney films, but half of which Disney pays little to no attention to. Go figure. It's not like they don't have a history of pretending things don't exist, though. Have you ever heard them discuss Song of the South? Despite being pretty damn racist, it does contain the first black actor the studio has ever hired. Granted, he was playing a stereotype in an idealized Old South, but he was a milestone.

And it's not like it's the only Disney film rife with unfortunate implications. Seriously, watching these all again has brought to light a lot of interesting things, the least of which being how ridiculously badass a lot of things are. I mean "pleasure island"? A place where bad boys turn into jackasses? Figuratively as well as literally.

Watching the 70th Anniversary Edition of Pinocchio is hysterical simply due to Disney's half-assed attempts at damage control. This is a film rife with drinking and smoking and all sorts of horrific debatchery. It's got drunk fox men in seedy bars, young boys smoking cigars, and...gasp! Billiards! It's all presented in a negative light, of course, but for some reason, it's assumed that modern kids have no way of knowing this from the film alone. Back when it was released, it was expected that kids would see it and know that all the irresponsible acts that the characters take part in were wrong, and that trying them out for yourself will result in terrible things. Nowadays, kids are apparently so unintelligent that merely putting hints of smoking and drinking into films, despite being presented as purely negative, will cause them to became crack whores. To remedy this, Disney put a small disclaimer before the movie telling us that not only is smoking bad, but that if you currently smoke, you shoul

d try to quit. It even provides a website where you can go to get help in quitting, all while showcasing the thousands of clips from the film showing various characters smoking cigars.

Hear that seven-year-olds? You need to stop smoking. Now. Because Pinocchio said so. Just because he does it in the movie and then it ruins his life by nearly turning him into a jackass (which, by the way, is literally said several times throughout the film) doesn't mean that you should try it yourself. While the horror of having your own body transformed and your own father eaten by a whale due to your poor choices does seem pretty attractive, it's still bad. So there.

Anyway, so far I've gotten through most of the more well known films, and have been working on trying to see some of the more obscure ones. The compilation films like Melody Time and Fun and Fancy Free are kind of hard to find since they've only been released on DVD once and most of them are out of print.

What do I think I'll take away from this? I honestly don't know. It's mostly so I can claim I've seen the entire Disney Animated Canon, and considering how often I write about animation, it's probably worth my while. The Disney Company is a fascinatingly warped corporation, and it's interesting to see how that comes out in it's films.

Sailor Moon: Secret Identities VHS Review

2011-06-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

Once, long ago, in the depths of space, on a planet called Earth, at a Toys R' Us in Northern New England, there existed a VHS tape.

This tape was called "Secret Identities" and contained two episodes of the English dub of Sailor Moon, the first called "A Crystal Clear Destiny" and the second called "A Reluctant Princess". The episodes formed a two parter in which everyone met up in a hellish, nightmare dimension and discovered their past lives. At the age of around six, I bought this and proceeded to watch it over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again until I, and everyone I knew, could recite the damn thing by heart and it was lost to the depths of time and my barn.

At the age of nineteen, I found it again. At the age of nineteen I watched it and said "Wow. This was really stupid." At the age of nineteen, I was about to enter the Hofstra University film department and decided it would probably be a good idea if I knew how to use editing software.

So I made this.

It's crude, primitive, and really not all that funny. There are a lot of audio problems, and I never could figure out how to convert the episode into a file type my computer could handle. I'm clearly nervous, and I forget my lines a lot. It's also in three parts, because it's a bit too long.

My friends are quite good in it, though.

However, for some reason, a few people seemed to like it. I did "A Crystal Clear Destiny" in this one, and at the end of it I promised, somewhat halfheartedly, to cover "A Reluctant Princess" in the next one. I wasn't expecting anyone to see it, so when I actually got a few comments and private messages asking me for the next one, I was shocked.

Cut to one year later. I'm slightly more competent at editing, but not much. I wrote and shot my scenes in January, Karen's scenes in February, and my roommate's scenes in May. It was insane. But eventually, despite my lack of skill, I managed to make a second one.

This is that second one.

It's...also, not very good. But it's done! I put a link to my YouTube Channel on the sidebar. Who knows? Maybe I'll do more.

Two Decades

2011-06-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

And now it's time for everyone's favorite game; What Ever Happened To The Blogger? HOORAY!!!

So, yeah. It's been a while. Spring semester this year was...tumultuous, to say the least. Not like last year's, though. No one nearly died in front of me or sent me to Florida or anything. I just found myself with a lot to do and no time to do it.

Should I perhaps make a list? Those are always fun. And simple. Actually, they're mostly just simple, but you know, sometimes simplicity is a good thing. It's certainly better than rambling on and on and on about things you probably don't really care about. At least, I think so.

Anyway, onto the list! Here's what I've been up to:

1.) Film Stuff - I'm a film major. You know, with movies and stuff. So, naturally, the time finally came in which I had to make a film. Or three. In four months. My first one was about someone being stalked by the Virgin Mary, my second one was an obligatory "angsty student film" and my third was about crossing a parking lot. They were a bit more interesting than they sound, I promise, particularly that last one which not only featured Slender Man, but killing demons with an umbrella. I also wrote a screenplay about urban legends and psychotic roommates, as well as a shorter one about a demonic occillating fan. They all went over relatively well, despite the Slender Man film being one of the most hellish filming experiences of my life. Half my footage came back overexposed, too. It still came out alright, it just wasn't what I wanted. At all. But yeah, that was mostly the reason behind my dropping off the face of the Earth for a few months. When once it was plays, now it's films. They'll always be something, I suppose,

2.) Moving - With the end of the semester came another move back home for the summer. New Hampshire is still beautiful, and everything is still virtually unchanged. I did finally get a desk for my room, though, so at least I have a place to write.

3.) Soccer - I don't follow soccer. My interest in sports pretty much ends at a mild interest in the Red Sox and the Bruins (who won, by the way! Take that, Vancouver!) however, a few of my friends do. My roommate and my once and future suitemate follow Real Madrid like crazy people, and when it was discovered that the Spanish National Team was in a match with the US National Team down in Mass, they decided it was a good time to come up and see me. It was bizarre. Until this year, I had led two completely seperate, unconnected lives. My other friend, and soon to be suitemate, Karen, had come up to see me for a few days in April, but before that, there had been no crossover. Now several of my old, childhood and high school friends have met and mingled with my new college friends, and you know, no one exploded. The weekend was ridiculous, it was tiring and awesome and made me really wish that all my friends lived in the same place all the time. Also, Spain won, so, I guess that was good.

4.) My Birthday - I am officially two decades old, and no longer a teen statistic. My birthday was very simple, I wanted to record an episode of the radioshow I had written in high school - something I had been trying to do for about three years - and have a pirate party. Both of these goals were eventually accomplished during what was, mostly likely, the greatest party I've ever thrown. The backyard may never recover from the barrage of glow sticks and silly string, and I'm still finding pages of scripts between the cushions of chairs, but it was, without a doubt, the best possible twentieth birthday ever.

Which leads me to now. I've probably forgotten a few things, like the fact that I'm still unemployed, the fact that I worked my sister's dance recital again and somehow managed to fight the urge to return to theater (though it was, as it probably always will be, a struggle) and how my sister had the best dance and pirate face in the entire show.

I also, just a few minutes ago, was informed that the "Top Five Animated Films of 2010" article I did for ThinkHero.com just reached 6,000 views. I don't even know how to respond to that yet without excited, childish squeals. I'm literally at a loss for words.

And so, that's that. I'm twenty years old now. This is no longer the Blog of an angsty teenager. I suppose I should try to make more mature, shouldn't I? More professional?

...Or, I could not. I'm still a young adult, right? There's no need to be all serious and mature just yet.

If you happen to know anyone who's hiring, let me know. Other than that, I suppose I'll end this entry.

Farewell, everyone! Until next time.

*Nelly*

From Hallmark To Hair Date

2011-03-21T18:36:00.000-07:00

Hair salons are weird.

I'm from New Hampshire. You could say that I'm a small town girl living in a lonely world, except that New York really isn't the loneliest of places to hang around. I'm more like a someone who spent a good portion of their life growing up in a Hallmark card and has now been untimely thrust into the big, bad real world. Surprisingly, this hasn't actually caused as much culture shock as one would imagine. Apart from my complete shock at seeing a mall with three floors, my discovery that no one down here can properly pronounce "syrup" and the brief freak out I had when I hailed my first taxi, I've actually adapted pretty well to the "big, bad world."

That could, of course, simply be because I'm safe on a protected college campus. But who knows?

I consider myself, at this point, to be fairly New York literate. By "literate" I mean I know the difference between uptown and downtown and can properly pronounce "Houston" (it's not like Texas, apparently.) Despite this, I in no way consider myself a New Yorker, nor do I think of myself as someone who knows the city inside and out. I definitely do not.

Case in point; Hair Date, a hair salon on Bowery street in the East Village. I was there to drop off some film at the Pac Lab nearby, and stopped in after realizing I hadn't had a hair cut since summer. The price was reasonable, and the place looked relatively inviting, so in I went.

My god. This was an experience. I'm used to hair salons in New Hampshire. You walk in, grab a magazine, sit down, tell them what you want, pretend to be thrilled when they give you something that barely resembles what you asked for, and then rush to your car before anyone can see you. The process is fairly simple, and I only expected about as much from Hair Date. I was, apparently, wrong.

The first thing the stylist did was take my coat. And my scarf, my earrings, my glasses, my bag, and my gloves. She hung them up in a little room specifically for holding people's things and then proceeded to calmly lead me around the large, pristine styling room. It was a bit like a modern art museum. Everything was clean and white and the actual furnishings, though indeed attractive and stylish, looked like something you would have needed to be high to design.

There is somewhat of a script to getting your hair cut in a legitimate salon. You're expected to know where to go and when to bend your head backwards and when to brace yourself for the sudden splatter of cold water on your neck. For the most part, the stylist I had was pretty forgiving when I failed to recognize that I needed to go to a separate station to get my hair washed. There was this simple, amused grin of "Aw, look, it's her first real haircut" and after a while she just stopped pointing out to me that I had missed my cue and began leading me around like a blind person.

In New Hampshire, getting my hair washed at a salon is basically the same as washing my own hair, just with the awkwardness of someone else in the room. At Hair Date, it was like getting a head massage. It lasted for almost a half an hour, and unlike back home where the stylist tries to have a complete conversation with you about your life and your family, the stylist here was completely silent.

It was bizarre, to say the least. But it was, of course, only the beginning.

After finishing with the wash, I was lead back to the chair I had originally been told to sit in and was offered a cup of tea. I was so perplexed by this, that I said no, despite the fact that I hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day and probably could have used the sustenance. I was also offered a stack of completely up to date magazines, which were actually brought to me by a completely different person while my stylist was busy setting everything up. And then, just to add to bizarrely high class treatment I was getting, just as I assumed the stylist was going to begin actually cutting my hair, she started giving me a legitimate back and shoulder massage. Completely without warning.

I've never been ambushed by a massage before. I now know what it's like to be royalty.

The cut itself was nothing particularly shocking. Well, apart from the fact that it was exactly what I wanted. The only bizarre part was when the stylist inexplicably decided to straighten my hair without telling me. I don't know where the straightener came from, it just seemed to appear in her hands before I could stop her from using it, and within a few minutes, my hair was stick straight.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that my hair is naturally a bit...eccentric. It's curly and frizzy and has been described as both "feral" and "mad scientist hair". To see it stick straight and perfectly styled is, for me, an extremely surreal and slightly unsettling experience. Despite the fact that the actual cut was great, I was so unnerved by the straight hair that I ended up having to buy a hat just cover it up.

After a bit of chastisement for not taking proper care of my hair, and an assurance that the straightening wasn't permanent, I was free to go. My coat, scarf, gloves, and bag were brought to me by the same person who brought me the magazines, and I was actually escorted out the door by the stylist.

It was a strange experience. It's probably the best haircut I've ever gotten, and the price was actually really good for what I got. If I lived anywhere near the east village I would probably go back. At least then I would know what I was doing.

And so that was my trip to the hair salon. That random fashion website that invited me to join them because they thought I'd be a good a contributor? Well look at that, I'm actually writing about something beauty related! Hooray!

Sigh. Isn't my life just thrilling?

Well, I'm off to go edit some film now. I have no time to do it, so naturally it's due tomorrow. Good times. Ironically, the film itself is about being trapped by your own stress and responsibilities. It was originally supposed to be about passion or discovery, but then I got sick, and I started feeling trapped by all my responsibilities and stress, so...there you go.

Happy Spring,

*Nelly*

Mad Science

2011-03-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, here's something I've oddly never discussed on my blog. Mad scientists.

He he he.

Why haven't I talked about this yet? Seriously, I've had a blog since I was fourteen years old, and I have never once written an entire entry devoted to mad scientists? It's a travesty. It's unforgivable. It's incredibly uncharacteristic of myself. It needs to be remedied immediately.

And so, it shall.

I adore mad scientists, and I really can't tell you why. I've always loved them. Anything I ever wrote as a kid almost always included one, including the play I wrote for a drama camp in second grade wherein not only did I write it, I also played the mad scientist and loved it so much that I wrote the character into a play for a second drama camp I did two weeks later. There is something about the character type that is, to me, inherently fun and interesting. I've always been attracted to eccentric characters, everything from the Phantom to the Doctor, and when it comes down to it, what is more eccentric than a mad scientist? You're looking at a character so preoccupied with their own creativity that they just can't be bothered to put in the effort it takes to act like a normal person. Everything they do is passionate and intense, even if it's just something as simple as pouring water into a beaker. There's an air of theatrics to mad science that I've always loved, and to this day has kept me fascinated with the character type.

So who are some great mad scientists? In real life the most famous example is probably Nikola Tesla, who despite being one of the greatest electrical engineers of the late nineteenth century, had an unbelievably eccentric personality as well as a habit of making bizarre and outrageous claims about the possibilities of scientific advancement. By the end of his life, most of his colleagues had written him off as being insane, and thus he has become one of the main inspirations for the mad scientist archetype in fiction.

But of course, who cares about real life? Clearly most mad scientists don't. My interest in the world of mad science is almost entirely through it's portrayal in fiction. I am not a scientist. As a kid, I toyed with the idea of wanting to be one until I discovered just how different mad science and real science are and decided it would be more fun to send my Polly Pockets on an adventure into space than work on my math homework. Occasionally I wish I was a bit less purely right brained so that I could go make things explode in a chemistry lab or something, but unfortunately, I am and always will be more of a writer than a scientist.

That being said, let's discuss some fictional mad scientists. I'm going to stick mainly to characters from television and film, as a discussion of mad scientists in literature could take up an entry all it's own (though, for what it's worth, everyone should read Frankenstein)

To me, the perfect mad scientist is Gene Wilder. Despite having only technically played a mad scientist once - though I would argue he's done it twice, we'll get to that - I feel like he gets everything right. His ability to be completely calm and normal one second and then suddenly go absolutely psychotic the next is exactly the type of thing a mad scientist should do. A good mad scientist story is one that constantly builds in intensity. It begins somewhat simple, the character has an idea, and as the character becomes more obsessed with it, the story becomes more intense until the character reaches his most maddening point and the action of the story just explodes. Gene Wilder, I feel like, does this alarmingly well. Just look at this clip, specifically at his speech about a minute and a half in.

I consider this to be the greatest mad scientist moment ever. It begins quietly, with Wilder just looking up and musing. After a few seconds he gets louder, and then as the platform rises, he starts shouting until by the time he's up on the roof with the monster he's almost shrieking his "GIVE MY CREATION LIFE!!!" line. It's exactly the way a mad scientist's story operates, beginning quietly, in control, and then letting loose until the character is uncontrollably mad. Although I love Colin Clive as Dr. Frankenstein in the iconic Universal Frankenstein film, there's something about Gene Wilder's performance here that just cements him in my mind as the image of a mad scientist.

But of course, this isn't the only time Gene Wilder has played a mad scientist. Take a good look at Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. No, he's not really a scientist in that one, he's a candy maker, but the elements of mad science are still clearly there, and Gene Wilder, once again, does a fantastic job at building intensity in his performance. Remember the tunnel scene?

Just look at his expression at the beginning of this. It's calm, but diabolical as all hell. He's totally cool and collected, singing softly, and then verging into poetry. Just like in the previous clip, he starts picking up the volume about halfway in, then he starts yelling, and then finally just shrieks at everyone. The effect is terrifying and awesome, and despite Willy Wonka not technically being a scientist, I think deserves to be thought of as another great mad scientist moment.

Also, as a side note, apparently the poetry that he recited in the scene wasn't scripted, and most of the cast thought Gene Wilder was actually going insane when they shot it. He wasn't, but just look at their faces.

But what about some other mad scientists? The ones not played by Gene Wilder. Going for a more modern route, most people are aware of my love for Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, the story of one mad scientist and his quest to take over the world while simultaneously going after the girl of his dreams. The scientist in question is played by Neil Patrick Harris, and what's interesting about this one is that he never really seems too out of control. Yes, Dr. Horrible is an awkward nerd who can't speak to the cute girl at the laundry mat, and yes, he does fantasize about becoming enormous and squashing his archenemy with his foot. But until the end, he never really engages in anything particularly insane, and with the exception of the freeze ray he keeps in his living room and the lab he has hidden behind a wall, he comes across as a basically normal person.

Well, until this scene:

It's here we finally get to see him go full out mad scientist, evil laugh and all. The song starts out quiet, almost hypnotic, until it builds to a crescendo and he pulls out a death ray. Then it gets crazy. He doesn't totally loose it like Willy Wonka or Dr. Frankenstein (pronounced Frankenteen) but things do suddenly get really chaotic and intense. Neil Patrick Harris does a great job at presenting a far more realistic character while still being able to dip into the theatrics that define a mad scientist.

Anime also provides a great look at mad scientists, probably due to how exaggerated and ridiculous anime is naturally. This is, after all, a genre that tries to make card games the most epic thing the world has ever known. There are a lot to choose from here, but my favorite is probably Professor Tomoe from Sailor Moon.

Yes. Tell us again, Professor, about how you haven't kissed anyone in years. I'm sure the laughter of utter doom is intrinsically required in enlightening us to this little anecdote about your life. This guy was, understandably, one of my favorite villains from the show, though it turns out by the end that the only reason he's insane is because he's possessed by some sort of space demon or something. I feel like it would have been much more effective if he was just crazy. But then, that's Sailor Moon for you.

Animation in general can provide a lot for a mad scientist. Because there's no limit to what you can do in animation, an incredible level of ridiculous, insane drama is allowed to the scientist. Unlike in live action where no matter crazy something is you still expect the tiniest bit of realism, in animation no one is expecting anything to be realistic at all. Thus, the uncontrolled, theatrical side to the character type is more likely to come out. Take Professor Membrane from Invader Zim, for example.

I've made toast before. There was no lightning. Professor Membrane is the father of one of the show's protagonists, and is about as ridiculous and insane as you can get. Literally everything that comes out of this man's mouth is epic. Unlike Dr. Horrible who was, by default, a real person who would occasionally dive into craziness, Professor Membrane is naturally ridiculous. His son, Dib, as well as the title character of Zim have also been known to take up a bit of mad science, particularly Zim. But it's Membrane that, I think, exemplifies the character type in animation.

But of course, no discussion of mad scientists is complete without mention of Doctor Who. This show is full of mad scientists, and, to be honest, it can be argued that main character has a bit of this going on himself. I mean, he was UNIT's scientific advisor for a while, and he is a bit, you know, crazy every once in a while. As of late, the eleventh Doctor's been pretty good about this:

It should go without saying that this is a perfect example of an eccentric mad scientist. The Doctor is, for most part, a force for good, but doesn't exactly have the greatest people skills. In all honesty, it's hard to analyse the Doctor as I have with a few of the other characters I've mentioned, mainly because there's been so many of them. Each Doctor is wildly eccentric and obviously scientifically inclined, but none of them are the same about it. The fifth Doctor, for example, was a bit more like Dr. Horrible in that he basically acted like a normal person except for when something crazy was happening. The fourth and tenth Doctors though, were a lot more like Gene Wilder's Dr. Frankenstein in their ability to seem calm and collected one second, and completely psychopathic the next. The mad scientist angle is definitely one of the reasons I latched onto the show so easily back when I was sneaking downstairs to watch PBS reruns of it with my mom as a kid, and remains one of the many things that keeps me coming back to it.

But, beyond all of this, what should be kept in mind about mad scientists is that they are inherently fun. Weird, eccentric people are always fun to watch, and if that weird, eccentric person happens to harness the power of electricity to breath life into a monster, doesn't that just make it even more awesome? There are about a thousand other mad scientists I could talk about, and million more things I could say about how that type of character should be done, but I think, for the moment, I'll leave it at that. Mad scientists are awesome. They always have been, and they always will be. I don't think there will ever come a day when I'm not fascinated by these types of characters, and if indeed the day comes, you can expect the apocalypse to ensue soon.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a death ray to work on.

Happy Pi Day,

*Nelly*

College Idiots

2011-03-11T07:26:00.000-08:00

I've come to the conclusion, that at some point during college, everyone feels like an irresponsible idiot.

This has nothing to do with whether you actually are an irresponsible idiot, though in some way or another, at that particular moment, you probably are. College students do stupid things. We skip class, get drunk, smoke various illegal substances and apparently like to disrupt things by removing our clothes and doing random things in public. We're given our first real taste of freedom in college, and it's kind of like gaining superpowers. Some choose to use their freedom for good and become responsible overachievers, while others use it lay waste to their childhood.

It's a hard balance to find, and it seems like a lot of college students lead double lives as both the focused academic and the young adult trying to enjoy their youth. There are moments when you feel like you really have everything in your life together, when you're sitting in class participating in a discussion and you know what you're talking about and you're passionate about it. You feel smart, you feel like you deserve to be in college, and you're not just some unambitious idiot here to get laid.

But then you do something stupid. You wake up and discover you've slept through the class you've already missed three sessions of because you were sick. You go to the mall and realize you should have been working on a project that was due the day before. You have to drop a class because you're not doing well. You fail to get to your advisor on time. You spend the week hanging around your friend's place instead of writing a paper. You lose paperwork. You accept a mysterious, unlabeled brownie from somebody and there goes your productivity.

None of these seem like particularly terrible offenses, but when it happens, it can make you feel horrific. You desperately want to prove to the world that you are a responsible, intelligent human being, but you can't seem to stop yourself from being stupid.

We live in a very contradictory environment. We constantly point out that academics don't mean everything. How many times have you heard that Einstein did poorly in school? And yet, we put so much emphasis on them. It's like it doesn't matter how responsible and overachieving you are...except that it defines the rest of your life. You can't sit there after doing something stupid and try to comfort yourself with "Einstein did poorly in school" because, you know, you're not Einstein. The sheer amount of people who seem to balance being stupid and intelligent at the same time would seem to negate the idea that it can't be done, and it makes like you feel like you don't deserve to be considered intelligent because you can't.

Of course, none of these observations are particularly unique. We all know that college students are stupid, and that the ones that succeed are the ones that manage to rise above the typical stupid college kid cliche.

It's lent right now. I don't observe it, I'm not a Catholic. But I do live with one, and I know that, on a basic level, it's about resisting temptation.

College is like lent.

You're suppose to give up being stupid, being irresponsible, and being immature. You're supposed to devote the energies you would use to pursue these vices towards focusing on your schoolwork and being a responsible student. Some people, the faithful and the focused, pull this off beautifully and manage to avoid the things they're supposed to, and find ways to enjoy themselves in the process. Others fail miserably.

The question, like the question of accidentally eating meat on Friday, is whether or not giving into the temptation to be irresponsible makes you a bad person.

I don't think so, but that's just me. I'm in college, I'm an irresponsible idiot. Who knows if I'm right?

This bit of college angst brought to you by,

*Nelly*

Yvonne

2011-02-02T07:30:00.001-08:00

Alright.

It's been two days.

I'm really sick of this pseudo-plot line. This isn't a narrative blog. It's never been written to tell a story. It's just suppose to be a place for me to ramble about whatever happens to pop into my head. The fact that my blog itself seems to think otherwise, is kind of a big issue.

Silence you fool!

Ok, who are you?

I have many names. I am the darkness within your heart, the evil residing in the back of your mind, the shadow of your thoughts and feelings, the thing that keeps you awake at night -

This is going to be really underwhelming, isn't it?

You may call me...Yvonne!

Of course.

Yes! You have been acquainted with me before!

Look, just because my mother accidentally bought me a bathroom cup and a spoon that said "Yvonne" on it, doesn't mean that "Yvonne" is some sort of evil alter ego. It was just because there's never any personalized stuff that says "Nelly" on it.

That is where you are wrong! We all have a dark side, your mother was simply subconciously aware that yours was called Yvonne.

No kidding. Well, in that case, I suppose we should do battle, or something. I'm supposed to have some sort of inner struggle with you.

Well, see, that's why I wanted to chat with you.

Um, ok.

I don't really feel like having a battle right now. I'm in the middle of reading the evil alter ego of David Sedaris' book "Anti-Squirrel Seeks Evil Chipmunk" and I don't really want to put it down. Is there any way I could take a raincheck on this?

Well, my blog sort of won't let me leave the blogsphere until I have some sort of existential crisis that drives me to utter insanity, and I'd kind of like to get out of here fairly soon since I have three personal narratives and a screenplay due next Tuesday. I'm not going to lie, I don't really want to fight you, but...I also sort of need to.

That is quite the predicament.

Yeah, it is.

We could always just pretend to have a battle.

What do you mean?

Well, you know. We could stage some sort of internal struggle for you. That way your blog will think you're suitably dramatically conflicted, and you can leave, and I can go back to reading about evil sheep.

You know, I like the way you think.

Do you? Maybe you're the evil one.

Save that for the existential crisis.

Good point.

Let's go get this over with.

From Blog to Blogger

2011-01-31T14:34:00.000-08:00

Alright then. This is just to inform you all that the disembodied personification of my blog has decided that I need to have some sort of internal battle with my evil alter ego. I wasn't aware I had an evil alter ego, but then, I wasn't aware that my blog was sentient, either.

THIS IS HOW ALL THE BEST NARRATIVE BLOGS CREATE DRAMA.

This isn't a narrative blog, it never has been. In fact, these last few entries have been a radical departure in genre. It's a good thing I don't have any readers outside of family and friends, or this would be really confusing for them.

THIS IS A NARRATIVE BLOG! IT'S BETTER THAN ANY SLENDER MAN BLOG! IT COULD EVEN BE BETTER THAN CREEPY PASTA!

Nothing's better than Creepy Pasta. And no, this isn't a narrative blog. I'm not trying to tell a story, I'm just rambling about whatever pops into my head. Like a diary, almost. But with less turning out to be a princess and more complaining about Doctor Who.

YOU SHALL DO BATTLE WITH YOUR EVIL ALTER EGO FOR OWNERSHIP OF YOUR MIND! THIS BLOG WILL SLOWLY DECEND INTO MADNESS AND WE WILL GAIN THOUSANDS OF READERS WHO WILL DEBATE ENDLESSLY OVER WHETHER THIS IS A HOAX OR NOT! MY PLAN IS FOOLPROOF!

If you say so.

OF COURSE I DO! NOW START DEVELOPING A SPLIT PERSONALITY! I WANT TO SEE YOU ENTRENCHED IN MADNESS BY AT LEAST MIDNIGHT!

I'll get right on that.

This Is Getting Ridiculous

2011-01-31T11:38:00.000-08:00

Right.

Apparently my blog has a taste for Florence + The Machine. I'm fine with that. I like her as well. But did the lyrics to "Dog Days Are Over" really merit inclusion in a supposedly intimidating backstory? Not really.

The nice thing about being trapped in the Blogsphere, is that I can update at any given moment. I'm not really sure why my Blog decided to choose right now to rebell against me. It's not like I'm the only person on the interwebs to fall behind on updating. Have you ever watched the Nostalgia Chick?

But I don't want to argue. It's sort of pointless getting angry at an incorporeal blog that I'm supposed to be able to control.

YOU SHALL NEVER GAIN CONTROL OVER ME! I AM ETERNAL! I AM FOREVER!

Shut up.

Seriously, this is really annoying. I need to find a way out of here. I think I have choir tonight.

The Dog Days Are Over

2011-01-31T11:29:00.000-08:00

SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD IGNORE ME.

I SAT HERE, UNTOUCHED FOR MONTHS. STAGNANT. DULL. THE SAME ARTICLE ON HOW TO CAPTURE A DAMN FIREBIRD LYING AT THE TOP OF MY FRONT PAGE UNTIL I WAS ABOUT READY TO GO AFTER IT MYSELF HAD I CORPOREAL FORM TO DO SO WITH.

AND THEN IT OCCURRED TO ME. THIS WASN'T THE FIRST TIME SHE'D DONE THIS TO ME.

REMEMBER THE OLD BLOG? BACK WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND STILL HAD A DECENT BANNER? (YOU'LL NOTICE I'VE CHANGED THE LAYOUT TO THIS ONE...HE HE. TAKE THAT, NELLY) THERE WERE SO MANY MOMENTS OF NEGLECT! EVEN WHEN SHE DID NOTICE ME, SHE ONLY EVER UPDATED ME LIKE ONCE A MONTH! WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?

AND IT'S WORSE NOW THAT SHE'S IN COLLEGE.

NEW YORK DISTRACTS HER. THE BRIGHT LIGHTS AND NOISE KEEP HER AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. SHE THINKS IT DOESN'T MATTER. SHE THINKS NO ONE CARES.

I DO.

SO I WAITED. I WAITED TO SEE HOW LONG SHE WOULD IGNORE ME. I WAITED UNTIL I COULD TAKE IT NO MORE AND THEN I STOLE HER. IN THE NIGHT.

SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HIT HER.

SHE CALLS HERSELF A BLOGGER. HA.

WHO'S THE BLOGGER NOW?

RUN FAST FOR YOUR MOTHER, FAST FOR YOUR FATHER

RUN FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR SISTERS AND BROTHERS

LEAVE ALL YOUR LOVE AND YOUR LOVING BEHIND YOU

CAN'T CARRY IT WITH YOU IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE

Some Explaining

2011-01-31T11:14:00.000-08:00

Hello all.

FOOLISH CORPOREAL BEINGS!

...yes. Right.

It appears that the blog I've been keeping for around five years now has decided to turn against me. I guess it's sick of being ignored for months on end.

HER PLAGUES WILL COME IN ONE DAY - DEATH AND MOURNING AND FAMINE AND SHE WILL BE UTTERLY BURNED WITH FIRE, FOR STRONG IS

Oh, shut up, quoting the Bible doesn't make you any more intimidating.

SERIOUSLY?

Seriously.

WELL...NYEAH.

Yes, nyeah.

Anyway, I'm currently being held captive somewhere inside the Blogsphere. I'm really hoping this will all be over relatively soon, since I have four chapters of Weisel's Messengers of God and a paper on incidental music due this week. I also have a legitimate short film due sometime soon for a professor that, while awesome in basically every single way possible, is apparently a very tough grader. Being trapped in a somewhat ill-defined digital world made up mostly of whining an Slender Man stories is not really going to help my GPA anytime soon. I guess I'll keep you posted.

THE EARTH WILL SHAKE AND TWO WILL BREAK

That's Queen, you idiot. Night At the Opera.

I KNEW THAT.

Sure you did.

A New Year

2011-01-30T20:56:00.001-08:00

I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BLOGGER?

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE HASN'T DONE THIS BEFORE. THERE ARE ABOUT A MILLION EXAMPLES OF HER NOT POSTING FOR A FEW MONTHS BEFORE SHE SHE SUDDENLY REMEMBERS "HEY, THAT'S RIGHT! I HAVE A BLOG I'M TECHNICALLY SUPPOSED TO BE UPDATING!" IT'S NOTHING NEW. NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT, RIGHT?

WRONG.

THERE SHOULD BE AN EVIL LAUGH HERE, BUT THAT'S RATHER HARD TO DO WITH JUST WORDS.

THE WORLD REALLY IS VERY STRANGE, ISN'T IT?

AND NO, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SLENDER MAN. SERIOUSLY, HOW CLICHED OF A BLOG-RELATED SUPER VILLAIN DO YOU THINK I AM?

How To Capture A Firebird

2010-11-22T09:02:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, the Firebird. You may know this mythological creature from the Stravinsky ballet The Firebird, or from the short subject in Fantasia 2000. If you don't know, you clearly don't spend your Sunday afternoons watching ballet clips on YouTube, or reading about Disney movies on Wikipedia.

Which is fine, really. It just means you have a life.

I, however, have been decidedly lacking in a life lately. I recently got really into classical fairy tales, in particular some more obscure ones from Hans Christian Anderson, and of course, some of the really bizarre ones from Russia. After spending several hours raiding the depths of the Hofstra University library, I came home with a giant book of Russian fairy tales which turned out to be a really interesting look at a decidedly different kind of folklore than what I'm used to. There are no little mermaids making deals with evil sea witches for a chance to sleep with a hot prince and gain an immortal soul. Instead we get Baba Yaga, a witch-like demi-god who hangs out in a house built on chicken legs and occasionally likes to eat small children. We also get Koshchei the Immortal, a skeletal sorcerer who keeps his "death" concealed in a needle which is inside an egg, which is inside a bird, which is inside a chest, which is high in a tree that grows on a magical island that you can only find if you already know where it is. Good luck trying to murder him.

But the most well known character in Russian folklore is probably the firebird, a beautiful bird which traditionally spells both good luck and doom to whoever sees it. It's famous for being slightly similar to a peacock, with feathers that glow red, orange, and yellow. The typical firebird related fairytale consists of someone deciding to go on a quest to capture it, initially enchanted by it's glowing feather but eventually turning on it and blaming it for all it's troubles. Most people who capture it seem to go onto eternal glory or end up being asked to go save a princess by some king. Either way, it's a typical hero's journey type saga that's required to capture the damn thing.

And so, as I honestly have nothing better to do with my time right now other than homework, I've decided to compile a list, or rather, a guide of sorts, for those of you adventurous enough to want to go after the firebird.

Do you feel your life needs a little excitement? Is battling a sea witch while trying to find the owner of a ridiculously small glass slipper someone left at your party simply not doing it for you? Well then, you're in luck! Here at The World Is Very Strange, we have the perfect solution to your problems; go find the freaking Firebird! Yes, it's a perilous journey full of insurmountable obstacles and obnoxious Tsars who want you to marry their daughters, but hey, in the end you'll never have to pay for electricity!

So how does one do this? Well, there are several steps on the way to eternal Russian glory, some trickier than others, but chances are, if you follow this simple instructional guide, you'll probably make it sometime before the monarchy falls and you suddenly find yourself a communist.

Step One: Be Male

Are you a rebellious princess who occasionally likes to experiment with sorcery? Or perhaps a wife who'd like to run for some sort of local political office? Or even just a woman who's sick of doing nothing but cooking and cleaning up after the latest people's revolution? Well then, get back in the kitchen, woman. This story's not for you, what are you thinking?! Yes, if it's one thing that Russian fairy tales are extremely good at, it's rampant and outspoken sexism. Nearly every instance of a woman acting like anything other than a submissive servant girl, or really nearly every instance of a woman speaking at all, is met with horrific disaster for the woman involved. The sorceress princess? Staked in the heart lying face down in a coffin by her father and then buried in the ground. The woman who ran for mayor? Tied into a bag of grain and whipped until she obeyed her husband. The woman who simply got sick of being a dutiful wife? Thrown into a hole and buried there along with anyone who happened to annoy her husband on the way to work. Basically, it's generally a good idea not to be female in Russian fairy tales unless you happen to be a beautiful, mute princess willing to slaughter your children and spread their blood on a statue in order to bring your husband's dead best friend back to life.

Step Two: Be Young

Although being old is clearly not quite as bad as being a woman, a vast majority of the guys who go after the firebird and actually succeed appear to be young, naive youths trying to win the heart of the Tsar's beautiful and submissive daughter. Old men rarely go questing in these tales, probably because they're old enough to know what a pain it is going after a frustratingly rare mythical bird only to be rewarded with a girl you don't even know the name of and is probably no older than my eleven year old sister. That being said though, if you really want to go after the thing, make sure you're only at most somewhere in your twenties.

Step Three: Have Connections

When going after the Firebird, it's generally a good idea to be friends with an especially powerful Tsar, or a sorcerer, or a mysterious stranger who just happens to know everything you could possibly need to know along the way. This is a somewhat vital step, as without this you'll probably find yourself lost somewhere in Siberia with nothing but a golden apple and the coat on your back. Tsars are good because if you ask they'll usually give you meat and drinks to bring along with you, as well as some ridiculously ornate tents to sleep in while you're scaling that traitorous mountain. Sorcerers are nice if you need that extra bit of deus ex machina to keep you going, but have the unfortunate side effect of being a Russian Orthodox sin. Your best bet is probably the mysterious stranger as he'll usually help you out in the best way possible and then mysteriously vanish as soon you're done needing him. There's none of the annoying royal baggage that comes with the Tsar, you won't have to worry about him asking you to do something else as soon as you're done, and generally, he's not a servant of Beelzebub.

Step Four: Corn

As we all know, firebirds absolutely adore corn. I know I'm always having to watch over my expansive cornfield to make sure none of it gets picked off by those obnoxious firebirds. Go to your Tsar/Sorcerer/Mysterious Stranger and ask that one hundred measures of corn be strewn on the nearest open field. It may seem bizarre that a legendary mythical bird with glowing feathers is attracted to something as mundane as corn, but hey, it's no weirder than vampires being compelled to stop and count every grain of rice you throw at them.

Step Five: Obtain a Valiant Horse

This one's a bit harder than it looks. It can't be just any old horse, or Baba Yaga will come and chop it's head off to marinate in her latest batch of dead baby paella. It has to be one you can count on to not spook or make noise or do anything that horses normally do when faced with a giant, glowing peacock. The horse has to be able to, when let free, not run away, but approach the firebird, step his hoof on it's wing, and press it hard to the ground. It's probably a good idea if you can talk to the horse as well, bonus points if the horse is actually a human who was cursed by an evil witch.

Step Six: Don't Get Distracted

That's right. I saw you stop and wonder if maybe you should go after Koshchei the Immortal's death needle before you finished your quest to find the firebird. Stick with the program, people. The firebird provides lifetimes of good luck and prosperity, killing Koshchei just forces you to slaughter your children and spread their blood on the statue that was once your best friend in the hopes that he'll come back to life and stop being made of stone.

Step Seven: Invest In Some Cords

Once you've fought off your raging ADD and your noble steed has the firebird pinned to the ground with his valiant hooves, take out some particularly strong cords and tie that bird up. None of the stories specify what kind of cords you should be using, might I suggest bungee cords? Whatever you need, I'm sure you can find them at your local Ace Hardware.

And with that, you're done! Strap that tied up bird to your back, mount your horse, take it back to the Tsar, and get ready to make out with his beautiful daughter. You'll probably get promoted to some sort of noble rank, if you're not there already, and will probably be given riches far beyond your wildest dreams. If you were doing this just for the sense of adventure rather than for the service of a monarch, then congratulations, you now have your own personal table lamp that squawks at you and gets poop on your floor. Make sure you buy it a nibble bar every so often, and try not to get it near your cat.

Also, when you do capture the firebird and gain the fortune and glory that that entails, make sure to give me some credit. I'd go after it myself but I am, of course, female and thus have to stay here and do my nonexistent husband's bidding while learning how to cook and sew and be silent. God help the guy who kidnaps me to make me his wife. Seriously.

Do svidaniya,

*Nelly*

Blog Action Day 2010: Water

2010-10-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

So, it's Blog Action Day once again, and I'm here to talk to you about water. Or, specifically, water bottles.

Yeah, I know. Just go with it. It's for a good cause.

Anyway, anyone who used to read my first Blog (all...I don't know, five of you) may remember that my relationship with this illustrious holiday has been somewhat turbulent. It was less that I wasn't interested in the cause, or with the idea behind the movement (actually, I'm a big fan of the idea of Bloggers banding together for charitable reasons) it was more the fact that every year I registered to participate, Blog Action Day happened to fall on a day in which I was doing seven thousand different things or I was nowhere near my computer. This has led to a number of amusing entries in which I try to discuss the important issue of the year, but fail miserably due to being exhausted and incoherent. A few gems include my fifteen-year-old self writing "Care for the environment, or the Lorax shall come after you in the night, provided there's still a night to come after you in." or, more infamously, my sixteen-year-old self passionately pleading in a video "Poverty sucks. And so you should do something about it, even something tiny, it's like It's A Small World, or something."

I was obviously extremely eloquent in high school.

Well, I'm nineteen now, in my second year of college, and have found myself, as is tradition, in the exact same position I was every other year I've tried to do this. It's midterm season, I had class all day, and then a meeting right after. Basically, I think I'm cursed when it comes to Blog Action Day, as I was going to make a legitimate effort to do something...you know, meaningful. Instead, I'm going to talk about water bottles.

Water bottles are bad. They're fairly unnecessary, and extremely overpriced for what you're getting. My mother doesn't believe in them. Well, she believes in them in that she acknowledges they exist, but they're somewhat taboo in and around the house. Over 17 million barrels of oil are used to produce the sheer amount of water bottles used in the US, as reported by Food and Water Watch, and despite the fact that they're all made of plastic, over 86% of them will never be recycled. To add to all this, most of the water in water bottles is, in fact, just tap water disguised by pictures of mountains and islands.

However, for some reason, we're all addicted to bottled water anyway. Why? Probably because the bottled water industry is doing it's absolute hardest to convince us that tap water is the ultimate root of all evil. We are extremely lucky in this country to have safe water at our finger tips, in several parts of the world, people would kill for our tap water, and yet we still worry about it's safety.

To sum it up, because, yes, I unfortunately have seven other things I need to be doing right now, don't buy bottled water. Or at least, don't view it as instantly superior to tap water. Chances are, they're the same thing anyway.

Happy Blog Action Day everyone. Please look up an entry that isn't this rushed and stupid. Here's hoping that one of these days, October 15th will not be an endless day of constant running around.

Recollections Of A Convention

2010-10-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah. That's right. New York Comic Con was just as epic as the music of Danny Elfman just made it look. I'm working on a complete video to document my experience, but for the moment, this is what I've got.

Conventions are possibly the most bizarre events in the history of themed events. It's difficult to describe them to people not "in the know" and even more difficult to explain why you would want to go to one in the first place. At it's core, a convention is a place where far too many people in spandex are crammed into a place that is never able to contain them, where people have fist fights over who the best Doctor or Star Trek captain was, and where you will inevitably find yourself out of money within the first few hours despite not intending to buy anything other than a comic book and some Pocky. It's hot, it's crowded, you're surrounded by people dressed as characters you've only barely ever heard of, and the only thing you can hear is the sound of some obscure J-Pop mixed awkwardly with the t

heme from Star Wars. It's nerds being nerdy, and if you're not into being nerdy, there's no way you'd be caught dead there.

But we nerds know better. Yes, comic, anime, and sci-fi conventions have their dark sides. They're certainly not a place you'd want to bring your psychiatrist to to prove that you lead a normal, healthy social life. But a convention is so much more than just a conclave of nerds in tight fitting spandex. On a slightly cruel level, they're possibly some of the only places you can go and not feel like the most pathetically nerdy person in the room. If conventions teach you anything, it should be that there is always someone nerdier than you. But beyond that, conventions are places without social stigmas. Do you genuinely like to walk around dressed like Batman and wish you could do it in public? Here you can. It's weird, but no one's going to think that when they themselves are dressed as Spider Man with a accompanying Mary Jane. In a world of quick, almost instant judgement, a convention is a place where you can legitimately do whatever you want (within reason, I'm pretty sure "though shalt not kill" still applies) and no one will think of you as anything other than just another person to talk to.

But then, this is common knowledge. Nerds have been flocking to conventions as a way to interact with like minded people since conventions were created. The chance to have a legitimate discussion about who the best Doctor was, or what the hell did happen at the end of Neon Genesis Evangelion, is an opportunity rarely found just walking down 34th street. Just as sports fans need to occasionally hang out in bars and debate over the accuracy of the referee's decisions with people just as passionate about it as they are, nerds need to get together and be unabashedly, shamelessly nerdy.

But the atmosphere of your typical convention has changed a bit in recent years. In the early days of conventions, from what I can gather, they were basically just hardcore Star Trek fans hanging around in Star Fleet t-shirts comparing model phasers. Tony Lee, the writer behind my favorite Doctor Who comic saga "The Forgotten, said at his panel at New York Comic Con this year that Doctor Who conventions were really just more of a small, very nerdy party. The same people showed up with a few drinks, they'd occasionally have a few guests, and that would be that.

Judging from this, I'd say the idea of conventions as small, intimate affairs, is now an incredibly inaccurate one to have.

New York Comic Con was held at the Jatvis Center on 34th street in Manhattan. It's a gigantic complex built for the enormous events that New York tends to attract, however, once professional hours ended and the doors opened to general ticket holders, the place was mobbed. It was absolutely impossible to move for a lot of it, and I frequently found myself caught in human traffic jams that would make Boston look tame in comparison. The convention itself was not limited to just one room, either, and yet everywhere I went, I was surrounded shoulder to shoulder with people.

So how did this happen? How did small, geeky gatherings of like-minded nerds suddenly become the social event of the year? (Well, ok, the social event of the east coast. Thanks, San Diego) The answer lies with popular culture.

Nerds are actually some of the most up to date people on the planet when it comes to current popular culture. Though typically represented in the media as being extremely out of touch people, in real life, they're probably the first to know when something is going on in the entertainment industry. Whether it's the director of the latest Superman movie, or the news of Lost's cancellation, those who are "mainstream" are never the ones to know first, it's those who are obsessed, the devotees, the nerds. Through the intensely geeky need to be constantly up to date, conventions have morphed from simply being a place to discuss something that used to be on TV into giant celebrations of both the best and latest of popular culture. While they remain places for nerds to meet up and speak nerd to each other, they've also become an important tool for being up to date with what's going on in the entertainment industry. As conventions started to get bigger, with more people and more important guests, movie studios, gaming industries, and comic book companies started to take notice. Studios began to see the incredible benefits to sending previews and representatives to conventions. Especially with the rise of the internet, in which geeks can instantly share information with the masses, conventions became a mecca for those interested in entertainment and for the entertainment industry to get it's message out there.

What this has created is an event that, while nerdy and frivolous, is extremely important to the entertainment industry. In a way, it proves just how important geeks and nerds are to popular culture. Yes, we do freak out over really stupid things like whether the Doctor's half-human (he's not, by the way) or whether the Star Wars prequels really were worthless (the first two were, the third one was ok) but we're also vitally important in giving our current generation a sense of identity. In fifty years, when people look back at the popular culture of the day, who is going to remember the people who weren't in the extreme? People will remember the Harry Potter craze, and the finale of Lost. Who says nerds are behind the times? They're not. If anything, they're the ones defining what the times look like, always the first to jump into a new show or explore a new craze. Conventions are not just places to compare toy light sabers, they're windows into the entertainment side of our current culture, as bizarre as the image inside might be.

Solla Sollew

2010-09-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

So I'm back in New York. I live on the eighth floor of a fourteen story high rise building, with a giant window that spans almost an entire wall, and a shower that actually manages to stay one consistent temperature. I've managed to hook up both the cable and the internet, and despite having my first class in a wing that seems like something out of a slasher film, things are actually going pretty well for the start of a new semester.

It's funny, I feel like I'm a lot more laid back than I was when I started last year. I had so many expectations for what I wanted my college experience to be like, so many things I absolutely needed it to be in order for me to be content. I got hung up on all sorts of little things, I over thought, over analyzed, over...well, pretty much everything. I was a bit a of a wreck, to be honest,trying to fit in in a major I didn't quite belong in, tying to make my life be this perfect image I'd had in my head, trying to be this person I idolized.

There's a book by Dr. Seuss called I Had Trouble In Getting To Solla Sollew which, as a fair number of his books actually are, is not really written for kids. In it, an unnamed protagonist decides he wants to escape the problems of his life and go to Solla Sollew, a mythical place where "they never have troubles, at least only a few." So he goes on a rather epic quest, traveling an extreme distance, facing all sorts of perils until he finally gets to Solla Sollew. Unfortunately for him, after all the trouble he's faced, and the setbacks that tried to stop him, Solla Sollew is inaccessible. The city has only one trouble, and it's that a "key slapping slippard" has invaded the keyhole, and made it impossible to get in or out of the city. The gatekeeper says he's going to find another mythical problem free land, and offers to take the protagonist with him, but he refuses, instead taking out a bat and deciding to face his troubles head on, exclaiming "Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

The book is heavy in metaphor, basically being a lesson in facing your demons rather than running away from them. It also points out that perfection is impossible to find, and that trying to will simply cause even more strife than you had before.

When I first came to college, I was looking for Solla Sollew. I'd just been through a hellish senior year, a depression that had been far harder to get out of than I'd expected, and a number of other things that I've already discussed to death in other entries. I had a desperation to get away, to go somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about, be bothered by, or even really confront everything I knew I should probably have done something about. It was kind of pathetic, actually, but I'm sure everyone's had a moment like that.

The problem was, I was expecting college to be that place. I wanted to go to New York, have it be the glittering place where dreams are made, and just forget everything that ever bothered me. I wanted to be a completely different person than the person I was in New Hampshire.

But of course, you can never get to Solla Sollew. New York was just New York, simultaneously the city of dreams and a noisy, crowded metropolis. My constant need for it to be perfect, and by extension, for me to be perfect, made the year a psychologically harrowing experience. Much like Dr. Seuss's protagonist, I went through more strife trying to find perfection than I ever would have if I'd just let my life be imperfect, and eventually, as is ultimately inevitable when you're trying to get to Solla Sollew, I discovered that a perfect college experience and a perfect sense of self is unobtainable. Things were just the way they were, people, places, and personalities. The best thing to do was to just take my bat and face the world.

So here I am now, one year on. Once again, I have the chance to start over, but you know, I think I'm just going to keep going. Starting over is useless when you have a perfectly fine life to begin with.

"I learned there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind...
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

*Nelly*

Cartoon Rant: The Fairly Odd Parents

2010-08-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know I'm too old to be watching cartoons. I'm aware I really have no say in what happens in the world of animation, specifically with kids shows that are not in any way targeted at me, but I need to get this off my chest.

What the hell happened to this show?

Seriously, The Fairly Odd Parents was a show that, at one point, was popular enough to rival even the almighty Spongebob Squarepants in ratings. It was clever, funny, quick-witted, and while not exactly the comedic masterpiece of, say, The Animaniacs or Pinky and the Brain, it was generally well written and fun to watch.

Maybe I'm just overly nostalgic (which would be interesting, given that I'm probably a bit too young to be) but watching the show now, in those rare moments I happen to catch my sister watching it and I don't have to run off somewhere, is sort of like reaching for the last apple and realizing it's gone soft and rotten. You know it was once good, you can picture it being ripe and ready to go, but now it's just...not. It's a stale, mutated version of it's former self.

And yes, I realize I'm being melodramatic here. It's just hard to sit there and watch something that used to make you laugh just make you feel uncomfortable. There are some older episodes of this show that I still quote randomly in otherwise civilized conversation. When someone asks me where I got something, I will almost undoubtedly respond "Internet" in an amusing monotone, and yes, I do occasionally threaten to suck people's brains out through these...BENDY STRAWS!!

It's hard to pinpoint exactly when this show lost it. The writing has been steadily declining for a while, it's main characters being altered and exaggerated beyond recognition. It might be around the time creator Butch Hartman left to work on Danny Phantom, but again, it's really hard to tell. Personally, I attribute it to the moment that Ugopotamian warrior prince, Mark Chan, donned a human disguise and moved to Earth. The episodes that his character was in were always some of my favorites, and to this day, will still make me laugh hysterically. It was exciting to see him in the show, but ultimately, it's a simple rule of comedy to not overuse a joke. His character wasn't exactly increased, per say, but was significantly altered and made a permanent staple.

Keep in mind, this was long before the "Cousin Oliver" character of Poof, the fairy god baby, was added to the show. Seriously, why do network executives keep assuming that adding a random young kid to a declining show will "improve ratings" or "breath new life into it"? Has it ever been proven to work?

But when it comes down to it, what bothers me the most, is the protagonists. Take a look at the earlier episodes, Timmy is not exactly the brightest person you've ever met, but he's still a thousand times more intelligent than any of the adults, and in fact, most of the people around him at all. He was more snarky than stupid, and actually seemed to have some common sense to him. Cosmo, despite being clearly insane, was, again, more silly than just downright stupid, and was complimented by Wanda who, while definitely the most down-to-earth of the group, was just as off the wall as Cosmo.

Now watch some of the recent episodes. Timmy is annoying and selfish (except, so I've been told, in the recent Wishology episodes) Wanda is an offensively stereotypical female nag, and Cosmo has reached such extreme levels of stupidity that it's a wonder he can even function at all. The once clearly happily married fairy god parents have become just Wanda forcing Cosmo to be her bitch, despite the fact that it was stated very early on that Cosmo ran away from home, of his own free will, specifically to marry Wanda. It's gotten to the point where Cosmo is willing to literally trade Wanda in for a nickel. They were once a rare example of a legitimately positive and functional couple, one that is somewhat worryingly lacking in kids shows. It kills me that it's been mutilated into a stereotype-laden mess.

But again, I'm probably over-analyzing. Shows jump the shark all the time, they live long past their welcome and end up a barely recognizable shell of their former selves. Look at Scrubs, look at Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain, hell, look at later Rugrats. This is nothing new, it's just sad. It makes me angry when writers think that kids won't notice when characters are horribly altered, or the jokes aren't really funny anymore. Just because they're kids doesn't mean they don't notice when a show has seriously lost it's mojo, that's why ratings decline and shows eventually end up doomed to land of 3AM re-runs.

And seriously, don't even get me started on the live-action adaption. Has Nickelodeon learned nothing from the atrocity that was M. Night Shymalan's The Last Airbender? Why can't animation just stay animation? Is that so wrong?

The Doctor Who Theme

2010-07-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

[WARNING: I apparently suck at embedding videos, because they've all come out the wrong size and you can only see half of them. Sorry about that. Click on the videos themselves and they'll take you to the YouTube page. Enjoy.]

Let's talk about Doctor Who.

Doctor Who is one of those shows that really makes you wonder. It's currently the longest running science fiction show still on television, having been first aired in 1963, and despite a brief sixteen year gap in which all we saw was an American-made TV movie, it continues to have a strong fanbase and a modern popularity that continually breaks UK records. There's something about the show that is, quite simply, enduring. There's something about it that has managed to keep untold amounts of geeks, nerds, and even casual television viewers tuning in every time it's on. It is it's mysterious protagonist? It's imaginative plots? It's ability to change and adapt without becoming something unrecognizable? Is it really the addition of a robot dog?

The answer, like the show, isn't that simple. There are a lot of reasons why Doctor Who has managed to remain a staple of televised science fiction for so long. It would be impossible to try and list all the things the show has going for it, so for the moment, I won't. Right now, I'm going to focus on just one thing, one simple thing that has probably had ten times more impact on the longevity of the show than most people realize. The theme song.

The theme song to Doctor Who is one of the most easily recognizable themes in television history. It's widely regarded as an innovative and important piece in the history of electronic music, and most agree that it is incredibly impressive for it's time, having been created well before the invention of modern synthesizers. The score itself was written by Ron Grainer, but it was the efforts of Delia Derbyshire and the BBC Radiophonic Workshop that made it into the piece we all know and love. Utilizing a bizarre mix of techniques that included individually creating each note by cutting, splicing, speeding up, and slowing down segments of analogue tapes containing single recordings of plucked strings, white noise, and simple harmonic waveforms of test-tone oscillators, Delia Derbyshire and her team carefully crafted the haunting opening almost completely from scratch. When Ron Grainer finally heard the completed track, he was stunned and could only ask "Did I write that?" to which Derbyshire replied "Most of it."

Unfortunately for Derbyshire, the BBC's desire to keep the members of the Radiophonic Workshop anonymous kept her from getting a co-composer credit, as well as a share of the song's royalties. Good work, BBC.

The piece has been re-recorded and rearranged a number of times over the years, usually whenever a new Doctor takes over. The theme has been rearranged during a specific actor's tenure, particularly during the new series, but no matter how many times the theme is changed or adapted, just like the show, it has managed to remain the icon opening that has both fascinated and frightened Doctor Who fans for over forty-five years.

Let's take a look at these multiple themes, shall we?

The First Doctor's Theme: 1963-1966

This is the original. The theme is short and simple, but makes a clear impact, drawing you into the mystery of the show. This is probably the most enigmatic of the opening sequences, in that it tells you absolutely nothing about the show apart from it's name, not including the TARDIS, the Doctor's face, or even the time vortex. All we're given is a series of smoky white lines that move through each other, giving it all a very ghostly feel. Given the unbelievably shadowy origins of the Doctor at this point in the series - all we know about him is that he is an alien of indeterminate age who travels through time in a clunky old ship that looks like a police box. At this point we don't even know what planet he's from or what species he is - I think this theme really works. It's creepy, mysterious, and is like nothing you've ever seen before. If anything captures the Doctor during these beginning stages of the show, it's this theme.

The Second Doctor's Theme: 1966-1969

With the second Doctor, we're introduced for the first time to the concept of regeneration, that the Doctor has the ability to regenerate into a new body if he should ever get killed (ever equaling about twelve, depending on who you ask) It was a big step at this point in the show, and a risky one. Most shows who just randomly switch their lead actor would mostly likely never survive, but this show did. The title sequence, musically the same as the original, evokes both familiarity and mystery, maintaining the same ghostly feel to it, but with addition of the Doctor's face so you're aware who your protagonist is and which actor you're watching. The addition of the Doctor's face to the opening sequence stays with the series until the 1996 television movie, and remains an iconic way to establish the era of the series.

The Third Doctor's Theme #1: 1970-1973

Here we see the first theme in color, and probably the first one that can truly be described as "psychedelic" rather than "ghostly". Visually, we have the same style of mirrored lines moving in and out of each other, with the addition of a spiral effect towards the end once the Doctor's face disappears. This version also marks the first time the theme itself has been altered, with the disappearance of the melodic "middle eight" melody from the end of the theme, in favor of a repetition of an earlier portion of the piece. Also changed is the fade out at the end, being replaced with the repeated portion of the score.

The Third Doctor's Theme #2: 1973-1974

This is the theme that changed everything. Musically, it's the exact same as the previous theme, with the repeated end as opposed to a fade out and the deletion of the middle eight. Visually, however, we see the first theme to move away from it's previous established formula of ghostly moving lines, and instead employ a tunnel effect. The second half of the theme, in which the tunnel takes over the screen, will come to be probably the most iconic of the opening sequences during the Fourth Doctor's era. The interesting thing about this one, though, is that though it is at time identical to the theme coming up, it differs by using stars shooting towards the screen, and a full body shot of the Doctor as opposed to just his face. To be honest, this isn't my favorite sequence. I feel like this one's a bit busy and confusing, and lacks the simplicity of the ones I prefer, plus the full-body shot of the Doctor is a bit weird. The nice thing about it though, is that it led into...

The Fourth Doctor's Theme #1: 1974-1980

Nine times out of ten, when a person thinks about the classic series of Doctor Who, this is the theme they think about. This is the one most associated with the fourth Doctor, and with Doctor Who itself, and that is due to the simple fact that it is awesome. It's just awesome. The sequence begins with these two lines that look like walls, shooting downwards towards the center of the screen, which then suddenly expand and turn into the walls of a tunnel that surrounds the TARDIS. The TARDIS shoots towards us and dissolves into a circular tunnel that reveals the Doctor's face, which then dissolves into the now iconic diamond logo, which shoots down a now diamond shaped tunnel and reveals the title of the episode. The sequence flows really well, and while it's just as complicated as the previous sequence, it doesn't feel as disjointed or confusing. It was the longest running title sequence and is, in my opinion, the best.

The Fourth Doctor's Theme #2: 1980-1981

Wow. So, this sequence is by far the most radically different of every opening we've seen. This sequence debuts a brand new rearrangement of the song by Peter Howell, which was preformed on synthesizers and designed to sound less haunting. Personally, I think theres's something slightly more eerie about this theme, maybe it's because I've never been a huge fan of synthesizers. Visually the sequence has also been radically altered, choosing to go with a more distinct outer space motif as opposed to the previously more ambiguous series of visuals. The Doctor has been reduced to just a face shooting oddly towards us, and the logo has shifted to something decidedly more 80's. I don't particularly hate this theme, I just prefer the one before it. I associate it more with the fifth Doctor since it was used entirely through his tenure, and was only used for one season of the Fourth Doctor's.

The Fifth Doctor's Theme: 1981-1984

There's not much to say about this sequence, it's both visually and musically identical to the previous one. It's a shame, since the fifth Doctor was very, very different from the fourth Doctor, and really should have been given his own title sequence instead of a rehash of his predecessor's. But then, I don't work for the BBC.

The Sixth Doctor's Theme #1: 1984-1986

And here we go again, the same intro as the previous two but with the Sixth Doctor instead of the Fifth. This particular era in Doctor Who history is a controversial one, and is generally regarded as a low point in the quality of the show. It's actually somewhat fitting that the opening sequence is just a rehash of the previous two. However, as with the previous Doctor, I don't blame Colin Baker for this dark period of the show, his Doctor had a lot of potential, and really should have got his own damn sequence.

The Sixth Doctor's Theme #2: 1986

I suppose this is a clear case of "be careful what you wish for". This sequence was only used for one season, the 12-part epic "Trial of a Timelord" serial that turned out to be Colin Baker's last. The theme has once again been drastically rearranged, this time by Dominic Glynn, and was an attempt to bring some "mystery" back into the sequence, and to the show itself. The piece certainly does sound a bit less...um, obvious, if only because I can't quite figure out what it's going for. This was reportedly performed on three different synthesizers, which probably explains why I don't care for it very much. Visually, the sequence is about the same as the previous three but with slightly updated graphics. I'm really starting to get bored of this opening sequence recap.

The Seventh Doctor's Theme: 1987-1989

Whoa...what? Just...ok. So, where do I start with this one? The theme has once again been rearranged, this time by Keff McCulloch using a Sequential Circuits Prophet-5 synthesizer. The piece reintroduces the middle eight into the song, but does replace it's opening sting with some sort of electronic explosion. Visually the sequence is...weird. And that's saying something for this series. We're in space, and there's a purple galaxy, and there's these poorly rendered astroids going after them, and then the TARDIS is in this blue bubble thing, which is then on top of the galaxy, which then vanishes to reveal the Doctor's sort of creepy moving face, which winks at you and then explodes only to reveal the really stupid looking late 80's logo...it's just weird. The producers of the show at the time apparently stated that the sequence was supposed to breath new life into the show and give it a fresh start, but...it just looks like they're trying a bit too hard to be epic. The best opening sequences of the series have been simple, the simple but haunting theme, the creepy, mysterious visuals, and the fluidity of the sequence has a whole. This one just looks...bizarre. It's overblown and dated and doesn't do the seventh Doctor any justice at all.

The Eight Doctor's Theme: 1996

This isn't really an opening sequence, exactly, it's the title sequence to the 1996 TV movie, and it's really a shame it's not usually considered a complete sequence, because it's really awesome. The theme is fully orchestrated by John Debney, and despite the fact that it lacks the creepy electronic stuff that makes the theme infamous, it still manages to sound just as exciting. The music starts off slow, underscoring the Eight Doctor's narration, and then builds to a crescendo before suddenly hitting you with the middle eight, which then majestically segues into the main theme. It's interesting to note the this is the only time the middle eight is ever performed before the main theme, and for some reason, it works flawlessly here. The visuals of the sequence are simple and epic, shooting the opening credits at you in perfect time with the music, and manage to really get you pumped for this movie. It's a shame the Master sucked so much here, as both this sequence, and the Eight Doctor himself proved to actually be surprisingly awesome.

The Ninth Doctor's Theme: 2005

And now we enter the modern era. Yes, the 2005 reboot of the series (and by reboot, I mean continuation of the classic series despite what some crazed old school fans will tell you) was exciting in a number of ways, once of which was the decidedly kick ass opening theme. This theme is awesome. Arranged by Murry Gold, it manages to combine both the electronic feel of the original theme and the fully orchestrated excitement of the movie's theme. The theme lacks the middle eight, but that's alright, because it gets added later. The theme introduces a completely new composition in the form of a rising and falling string melody, which I think adds a sense of urgency to it, keeping with the new series more fast paced tone. The theme does lack some of the mysterious quality of the original theme, which is a bit disappointing, especially since this first new series spent a lot of time trying to build up the Doctor's mystique again, but it's a thousand times better than the Sixth or Seventh Doctor's theme, and for that I am eternally gratefully to Mr. Murry Gold. Also of note, the visuals are simple and colorful, combining the circular tunnel motif of the Fourth Doctor's era with the outer space motif of later eras, and as with the music, managing to merge the two extremely well. It's not a perfect sequence, but it's a very good start to what is, in fact, an extremely good continuation of the series.

The Tenth Doctor's Theme #1: 2006-2007

This theme is basically the same as the Ninth Doctor's theme except that we now get to see David Tennant's name instead of Christopher Eccelston's. The middle eight is still absent from the opening, but has been restored to the closing credits at the request of David Tennant (who is himself a die-hard Whovian). Not much else to say.

The Tenth Doctor's Theme #2: 2008-2009

This theme is basically just a rearrangement of the previous theme, with some added strings and percussion. The logo has changed color slightly, but other than that, the sequence remains virtually unchanged. The new series under the charge of Russel T. Davies seemed all about making the series "bigger and better" to the point where occasionally it started to get obnoxious. This sequence and arrangement isn't obnoxious, it's just...big. Maybe it's just me.

The Eleventh Doctor's Theme: 2010-present

Ok, now we've reached it, the newest opening sequence to come out of the show. I have to tell you, I absolutely love it, and I have no idea why. Once again we have a new rearrangement by Murry Gold, with an even more intense orchestral intro before we hit the electronic melody. There's a part of me that's saying that this is too overblown again, that despite the fact that they've clearly used the original masters from Ron Grainer and Delia Derbyshire's recording back in the 60's, that the whole thing is just too big and over the top, but for some reason, I just don't care. This sequence is awesome, easily the best of the new series sequences so far. I love the visuals, the blue, smoky tunnel and the lightening that heralds the appearance of the actor's names and I love the TARDIS falling into the fire and finding the logo. I think the new logo looks sleek without trying to be, and I think the sequence as a whole, against all logic, flows really well. The feel of it suits the excellent tone of the Eleventh Doctor's series, and really gets you pumped for Doctor Who.

But wait! I'm not done yet. Oh no. These were the main themes, but there were a few other arrangements that a lot of people don't realize ever existed.

The Delaware Theme: 1971

In 1971 there was an attempt by the Radiophonic Workshop to modernize the theme using the new Delaware synthesizer. The remix was done by Brian Hodgson and Paddy Kingsland, and was produced by Delia Derbyshire herself. The peice was not well received by the BBC, and despite the fact that they had already mixed the theme into the episodes, the BBC rejected it. Most of the copies of the episodes were edited to remove the Delaware theme and replace it with the previously used theme from the 1960's, but a few episodes were accidentally sent out to Australia with the Delaware theme still completely intact. To be honest, I can sort of see why the BBC didn't really like it. It's interesting, sure, but it doesn't sound like the Doctor Who theme I know and love, it doesn't even really sound like another version of it, it's almost a different piece entirely. Plus, as I previously established, I'm really not big on synthesizers.

The Big Finish Audio Theme: 2001-2008

This was the theme used for a series of Doctor Who audio dramas produced by Big Finish (which if you're a Doctor Who fan, you should really track down) The arrangement was done by David Arnold, and to be honest, I like it a lot. As much as I love the fully orchestrated version from 1996, or the newest one that combines the orchestrated version with the original version, I love the simplicity of this one. It's spooky, but still has a very modern sound, matching original show producer Verity Lambert's original request that the music be "familiar yet different." I like the tone of it, I like the simplicity of it, and I'm really sad there were never any visuals to accompany it.

Dimentions in Time Theme: 1993

Oh Dear God. There's a reason people like to forget about "Dimentions in Time" the 1993 charity special that combined Doctor Who with a British soap opera. I know it's not supposed to be cannon or anything, and it's all just in fun...but God, this theme sounds like it's on speed. About three minutes in you start hearing ominous voices in the background of the piece, under this terrible synthesized drum beat that just doesn't sound anything like Doctor Who. God, as weird as I thought the Seventh Doctor's theme was, this was decidedly weirder.

Scream of the Shalka Theme: 2003

This was the theme from an animated webcast that the BBC attempted to proclaim was the newest canon incarnation of the Doctor. Yeah. Needless to say, once the new series came along the BBC was like "Nope! Never mind, he's totally non-canon after all, you can forget all about this!" and the world of Doctor Who moved on. The webcast wasn't particularly bad, if you can stand the limited flash animation, it just wasn't amazing. The theme is...well, pretty straight forward. It's small, but not really in a way that stands out, and it's really just not that interesting.

And so there you have it, the Doctor Who theme through it's many incarnations. To this day it remains one of the most enduring and well remembered themes in television history. As the new series continues, who know what they'll do to it next, but hopefully they'll always manage to capture the spirit of original, even if only a little.

Beyond Infinity: Toy Story 3

2010-06-23T13:19:00.001-07:00

When a film is advertised as being "fun for the whole family" very rarely does the whole family find it fun to watch. The child is amused, maybe, and will probably watch it several thousand times more if only for background noise, but that's about it. The adults, for the most part, are bored. As are the teenagers, and as are the kids that fall into that difficult to define "older children" demographic. We've all seen these "family friendly" films before, maybe with slightly different characters or situations, but with the same overall plot, jokes and stereotypes. The term "family film" has come to mean "film in which my two-year-old will force me to go to and will invariably involve the line 'say hello to my little friend' spoken horribly out of context" It seemed, for quite a while, that a film in which the entire family - mom, dad, older sibling, younger sibling, baby - could be entertained and take something from just didn't exist. A film was either a "children's movie" a "teen movie" or an "adult movie" There was no crossover.

Then came Pixar.

Suddenly you saw adults of all ages, twenties, thirties, all the way up to their seventies or eighties lining up to see Finding Nemo, a movie that, at it's core, is a children's cartoon about fish. Legitimate film critics were raving about the last fifteen minutes of Ratatouille, while college students all over the world were writing papers on the political connotations of Wall-E. Grown men, people who have never shed a single tear in their life, were bawling during the opening of Up! a movie which, along with Disney's Beauty and the Beast, is one of only two animated movies to have ever been nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. The rise of Pixar is a phenomenon of unparalleled proportions, somehow managing to raise family fare to an art form and never let it fall.

So how does Pixar do it? How does this tiny company, which began in 1979 as a software company, create such beautiful films that the Academy itself is forced to acknowledge them?

Much as how John Hughes achieved success by making "films about teenagers" rather than just "teen movies" Pixar succeeds by telling stories rather than just making "kids movies". The studio does not go out to make the next G-Force or Marmaduke, it doesn't set it's sights on creating the next big "kids movie" it simply starts with a story. Is the story necessarily a kid's story? Not really. A robot left alone on a post-apocalyptic Earth doesn't exactly scream "kid's fare" and yet, the story was told. It's not that Pixar doesn't create films with children in mind, every story they tell is very carefully crafted to be one that a child could understand, they simply don't feel the need to rely on previously conceived "kids movie" cliches to make it into a successful movie for kids. Their stories are some of the most honest tales currently in Hollywood, stories that rely on legitimate emotion rather than the same repeated joke. They are films before they are "kids movies" and can thus be held on the same pedestal as traditional "adult" fare.

Never was this ability put into more effect than in Pixar's most recent film, the highly anticipated Toy Story 3. In this, Pixar proves once again that not only can they make a compelling, gorgeously put together sequel that almost rivals the original in quality, but they can create a film that is watchable, and re-watchable literally by all ages. The story is a heartbreaking look at childhood, being at once celebratory and tear-inducing. It honors childhood while examining and acknowledging it's eventual end, allowing the need to move on and grow up to not be a tragedy, but simply the next step.

The plot is, actually, pretty simple. Andy, the toy's owner, is going to college, and the toys are worried that this is the end of them. Through a few amusing mishaps, the gang ends up getting donated to a local daycare, a place that at first seems perfect - they will always be played with and will never be outgrown- but in fact turns out to be a rather frightening den of pain and despair, as the children of the daycare treat them like normal toddlers treat their toys as opposed to Andy's lovingly imaginative playtime.

Despite how nightmare inducing the entire daycare sequence is, I think it's one of the first lines you hear there that really gave me chills. Upon arrival, they are greeted by a large pink "Lots-o-Hugs" bear who tells them that, in daycare, there are no owners, and with no owners there is no pain and "no one to hurt them." I think it's the lack of feeling behind it that gets to me, especially once you get further into Lotso's character.

As a person who just recently left home and went to college, this movie personally hit me hard. It's difficult to say what moment made me cry first. Was it the moment young Andy's sister knocked down his play set and he just incorporated it into his toy fantasy? Was it when he rolled his eyes at his mother telling him to do something about his old toys and his conflicted look back at them as her request actually sinks in? Or was it the moment when the toys are faced basically with their own deaths and Jessie turns to Buzz and asks "What do we do?" and his only response is to take her hand and simply look at her in a way that says ten times more than any possible words could say?

It's hard to say. If I had to pick, it was probably the ending, which I would describe but I don't want to spoil. It was one of the most beautiful sequences I think I've ever seen in any movie, let alone an animated movie, and proves once again just how much of a command Pixar has over stories and emotions. Whatever age you are, you will be touched by this moment. Whether you are the adult saying goodbye to your child, the teenager getting ready to leave home, or the child still happily allowed to just sit and play with your toys, you will get caught up in the sheer poignancy of it and, yes, will most likely catch yourself shedding a tear.

The definition of a "family film" is one that can be enjoyed by every member of a family. Despite the derailment this definition has been suffering from lately, Pixar, and in particular Toy Story 3, has managed to single handedly resurrect the genre. Toy Story 3 is a movie that anyone can watch, and not feel like they're the wrong age to be watching it. It is a film with both comedy and heart, and a depth to it that surpasses much of today's adult fare while still being conceivable to kids. It is the type of movie I have been waiting to see, and one that I hope desperately to see more of.

Pixar has indeed done it again. Long may they rein.

*Nelly*

Just A Note

2010-06-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

This is just to point out that I'm aware of the five million spelling and grammatical in my previous post, as well as the stunningly bad writing. Be aware that though I claimed it was one in the morning, it was really more like two thirty or three, and I had been working all day (at Ace Hardware, no less) and had basically lost my sanity anyway. Why I decided it would be a good idea to discuss my recent stunning achievement in nerdiness, I really have no idea. But, there it is. A full blown, honest to God, legitimate rant.

I should really learn to not Blog at three in the morning.

The Terrors of Yu-Gi-Oh (Or, How To Survive Being Eaten By A Dragon)

2010-06-18T20:19:00.000-07:00

So, as has probably been made abundantly clear throughout the nine entries of this blog, I am insane. Like, completely and utterly crazy. I may seem like a smart, quirky college student with a bit too much free time on my hands, but the reality is that these seemingly lucid moments are just a mask for the sheer madness that is me.

Luckily though, there are moments when I'm not alone in my lunacy. It's in moments where I've particularly lost it that I tend to be joined by my resident long suffering best friend Casey.

Casey and I have known each other for a grand total of about fourteen years, which considering the fact that we're both currently nineteen is a really, really long time. Somehow, despite the fact that I tend to randomly appear at her house at completely ridiculous hours to rant at her or kidnap her or do any number of other insane things, for some reason she still hangs around with me. That's the power of friendship for you, I guess.

And, speaking of the power of friendship, what's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of it? Why Yu-Gi-Oh, of course!

Ah yes, Yu-Gi-Oh. Everyone's favorite card game related anime. For those of you not in the know, Yu-Gi-Oh is a show that aired on Kid's WB back in the early 2000's, best known for making absolutely no sense, having a terrible English dub, and for popularizing a Magic: The Gathering ripoff game that kids would occasionally play in participating Toys R Us stores. It was big back when I was in middle school, and though I didn't quite understand what was going on (I wasn't terribly interested in card games and missed most of the first half of season two) I watched it when I caught it and made a legitimate effort to figure out why this kid with a split personality disorder kept getting screamed at while playing with trading cards. By the time I got to high school, the craze had basically worn off and people had either forgotten about it, or had written it off as a Pokemon ripoff.

Then came LittleKuriboh. LK is the creator, writer, editor, and sole voice actor of Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series, an absolutely brilliant attempt to summarize the entire series by chopping up episodes, re-dubbing them, and making them even more ridiculous than they already are. The episodes are up on YouTube, and despite their numbers now being up in the forties, they remain consistently well written, put together, and performed. The popularity of the series is both incredible and well deserved, being one of the few complete internet series I will watch over and over again and still laugh at. It took the internet by storm and created an entire genre of "Abridging" random anime shows.

I first saw the series when I was a sophomore in high school and started really getting into it when I was a junior. Despite how ridiculous I knew the show was, watching it made me want to revisit some of the actual episodes. Being a Sailor Moon fan, I wisely knew to stay away from the dub, and this time explored some of the show in Japanese.

The verdict? It's about the same. Some things are slightly more epic, like villains being actually able to kill people, and Yami/Yugi's voice actor not being so hammy, but for the most part you're still watching a show that revolves basically around a bunch of unsupervised kids running around the world playing card games that apparently decide the fate of the universe. Or something. There's a season that was animated by a different company called "Season 0" that actually is kind of epic if you're willing to put up with the terrible animation quality, but for the most part, the show is basically what you see in the Abridged Series, except the characters take themselves seriously.

So what does this have to do with Casey and my own insanity? That's a very interesting question with a very bizarre and slightly nerdy answer. At some point in early 2009, back when I was having some sort of end-of-high-school-existential-crisis, I decided to watch the fourth season of Yu-Gi-Oh. Why? I don't know, I was losing my mind at the time. The fourth season is generally regarded to be the worst of the show's five, the plot being completely derailed for an entire season to make way for a completely ridiculous unrelated story about Atlantis and a bunch of dragons. Yeah. The animation is terrible, the voice acting goes way over the top, even in Japanese, and the plot is so convoluted and hard to follow it could almost rival Neon Genesis Evangelion for it's sheer level of incomprehensibility.

For some reason, after making my way through a few of the episodes, getting confused, looking up the synopsis on Wikipedia, trying again, getting more confused, consulting an episode guide, and finally just getting angry, I decided to tell Casey about it. In excruciating detail. For two straight hours.

I really do wonder sometimes why Casey still hangs out with me...

But luckily, rather than decide I had truly lost it, or perhaps realizing I had and just deciding to go with it, Casey came up with a brilliant challenge. At that moment, at some point in February 2009, the two of us decided to do the impossible. We were going to watch the entire fourth season of Yu-Gi-Oh, in Japanese, all the way through, from first episode to the last, and try our hardest to live through it.

Well, dear readers, I can now officially say that a year and a half later, the two of us have, indeed, finished the entire season and lived to tell about it. It was a grueling task, one made all the more difficult by the fact that we were in completely different states for most of it, but we pulled it off. On my birthday, no less.

So what did we think of it? Well...the general consensus is that it's a mind screw. It makes no sense in either English or Japanese and probably never will. Casey's reaction, being the sane one in our dynamic duo, was pretty temperate. She thought it was confusing and random and had to follow, all the basic things we had known it was going to be going into it. My reaction, being me, was a bit more...extreme.

Warning: The following synopsis was written entirely from memory at one in the morning. Expect things to be confusing, and expect there to be profanity.

The season opens in Japan. Maybe. Yami, the Pharaoh in Yugi's head who isn't actually named Yami, is all "We've found the three Egyptian God Cards, now we can unlock my memory" and Yugi's all "But I'll miss you!" and there's some sad stuff going on. Luckily, at that exact moment, a group of evil motorcycle riding cosplayers sweep in and steal the God Cards, ruining Not-Yami's chance at regaining his memories and leaving Yugi's head. Damn. The cosplayers are revealed to be working for this unbelievably effeminate-looking guy called "Dartz" who seems to be running some sort of evil cult thing. He's all "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! At last, we can begin our evil plan to do something that will DESTROY THE WORLD!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" to which his henchmen respond with something along the lines of "Yes, Master!" It's around this point that Casey and I were suddenly bombarded with advertisements for the chruch of Scientology, so of course we automatically assumed that the evil religion Dartz is serving is, in fact, Scientology.

Back with Yugi/Yami, Yugi is trying to sleep but gets pulled into Yami's mind. The two of them take all of one second to try and puzzle this out before hearing a scream and deciding it would be a better idea to running after that. They end up falling into some sort of alternative universe thing where Duel Monsters, the monsters on the cards used to play their epic card game, are apparently real despite the fact that they've been previously established as being fictional. Whatever. Supposedly they're still in Yami's mind despite being in an alternate dimension, but again, I don't really care enough to try and figure out how the hell that works. One of Yugi's favorite cards, the Dark Magician Girl tells them that the world of the duel monsters is collapsing and they need three legendary warriors who can control the three legendary dragons to save their world and restore balance to the multiverse. Yami and Yugi, who apparently only count as one warrior despite clearly being two separate identities, are naturally one of the chosen warriors and are told to pull a random sword that is never seen again out of a giant, dragon-shaped ice crystal. They do so, and the dragon they instantly know is named "Timeaus" is unleashed, somehow transporting them not only out of this weird alternate dimension, but throwing Yugi back into his own body. Or something. Maybe.

So then duel monsters start coming to life in the real world. Oh no. There's this big epic eye thing in the sky and all of Japan is like "ZOMG! THE MAYANS WERE RIGHT!" and start panicking in the streets like usual. Yugi's three friends, Jonouchi, Honda, and alternatively Anzu/Kyoko depending on what the subtitles feel like calling her, all show up in exactly the same spot Yugi runs to and start panicking like the rest of the world. Yugi stands around looking confused for a second before pulling out a card he just suddenly happened to find in his deck (why was he looking through his deck in the middle of a national emergency?) which instantly turns into the powerful dragon Timeaus. Apparently, this not only stops the eye thingy, but pisses off the evil Dartz, who is somehow able to see this from his super secret lair in the middle of nowhere.

So yeah. Everyone decides to blame Seto Kaiba for all this, due to him being the creator of the hologram technology that makes duel monsters appear during duels. Despite the fact the monsters are clearly NOT holograms, and are destroying buildings and stuff, the world turns against him so he goes to America to recover. The rest of the gang are sitting at home wondering if they should be doing something when suddenly the creepy pedophile guy who calls everyone "boy" shows up and tells them to go the US to save him. So they do.

They end up at some building in a desert that now inexplicably exists just outside of San Francisco where they discover a whole bunch of people who give them various bits of exposition, like the fact that the evil cosplayers are members of the Church of Scientology and are taking people's souls with an evil card called the "Seal of Something I Can't Pronounce or Spell" that feeds on the darkness in human souls or something, and the fact that Jonouchi and Kaiba are the other two legendary warriors, and the fact that Jonouchi's occasional love interest Mai became a Scientologist because she kept losing at things, and the fact that Yami's not sure whether or not he was a good or evil king back in Ancient Egypt, and the fact that the card game apparently originated in Atlantis rather than Egypt which was never mentioned before and is never brought up again, and that these two bug kids followed them all the way from Japan and to look for rare cards and end up selling their soul to Scientology in order to get them.

Also they meet up with Otogi, better known as Duke Devlin, who randomly shows up in the US in the exact location they're currently at because the US is just that small. Whatever. They needed a car.

So they go to some little girl they once met's trailer and decide to angst for a while because cosplayers are after them and Mai's a scientologist and the pedophile guy is dead. At some point they get a message from the really big blonde cosplayer that Yami should show up in the middle of the desert to duel him, so Yami jumps on a horse and rides through the desert in the middle of the night to go play a card game.

This part would have been one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen, if not for the rest of the series. Just wait.

So Yami battles the blonde cosplayer, who is all "NAMELESS PHARAOH, YOU WERE TOTALLY EVIL IN YOUR PAST LIFE, GIVE INTO THE DARKNESS IN YOUR HEART" to which the Pharaoh's all "No! I won't! I'm not evil! And I'm going to prove it by using this cursed evil card thing that will make me completely evil and immerse me in darkness!"

So then Yami kills Yugi. Oops. He angsts about that for a bit and becomes convinced that he's actually evil and stuff. This inner conflict is actually kind of cool if you don't try to get too deep into analyzing it. They go on a train for some reason and get split up when the train randomly derails because of magic or something. Yami kills one of the bug kids in a particularly brutal fashion which gets Anzu/Kyoko kind of mad, but it's ok because they fall of the train and wake up with this native American guy and his daughter. Jonouchi kills the other bug kid on the other side of the non-plot, while somewhere else Kaiba battles one of the cosplayers who just happens to have a suspiciously similar life to him. My God. The symbolism. It's breathtaking.

So Native American guy and his daughter/granddaughter take Yami to this sacred spirit place where he can talk to Yugi. He does this and Yugi's all "YOU KILLED ME!" and Yami's all "I'M SORRY!" and Yugi's all "I THINK YOU'RE EVIL AND STUFF!!" and Yami's all "YEAH, I PROBABLY AM" and they have a battle. At some point it's revealed that Yami is the Chosen One, the savior of all of humanity, which is a surprise to no one since he's Yami and he's ALWAYS the Chosen One. Anyways, Yami defeats Yugi and Yugi's all "JUST KIDDING! I DON'T REALLY THINK YOU'RE EVIL AND I ACTUALLY JUST REPRESENT YOUR INNER DARK SIDE WHICH YOU'VE JUST DEFEATED!! OR SOMETHING!!" and then he dies, and Yami's all "AIBOU!!!" which means "partner" in Japanese, which adds all sorts of interesting connotations to this, AND THEN THE ROBOTS OF EXPOSITION SHOW UP!

Seriously, I'm not kidding. In the middle of this epic spirit place, someone decides it would be a good idea to throw in some exposition about Atlantis and the fact that Dartz used to be the king of it but messed everything up by taking in the Seal of Something I Can't Pronounce which made him all evil and turned him into a Scientologist bent on destroying the world, but instead of just having someone tell us this, they send in these ANCIENT ATLANTEAN ROBOTS to do it instead, and there's this big battle with these Atlantean exposition robots during which the Native American guy and his daughter/grand daughter both die while trying to get Yami the all important plot device card so he can make the robots stop expositing at him, and then there's something with Anzu/Kyoko...I don't care. But it all ends and Yami's happy and they decide to go off and find everyone else.

So they find everyone else. They're all hanging out in this random city battling people. Kaiba defeats his sympathetic cosplayer guy and runs off to join the others despite not really liking them very much (btw, doesn't he own a multi-million dollar company or something? Who's keep track of that?) and they all meet up just in time to watch Jonouchi get killed by his now psycho ex-girlfriend who immediately blames it on the Church of Scientology and runs inside to confront Dartz. This is, of course, not a wise move, as she is instantly killed and that's basically the last we hear of her. There's some other battle where Yami goes up against the guy who defeated him before when he killed Yami, but honestly, I just don't care.

So they finally find the lair of the Church of Scientology and they finally decide to go up against Dartz. Kaiba and Yami decide to tag team it since they've already lost one of their "legendary duelists" and this Dartz guy/girl/thing looks pretty crazy. They have this big battle during which there's some more exposition about Atlantis and humanity sucking and Dartz deciding the only way to cure human suffering is to kill everyone off. Human Instrumentality, much?

I'd like to point out here that this one battle goes on for SIX EPISODES. Six episodes of people shouting things at each other while playing the most dramatic fucking card game I've ever seen against a villain that just WON'T FUCKING DIE. GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Anyway. Moving right along. At some point Kaiba gets killed in a scene I actually like better in English. In Japanese he says something like "I believe in you, Yugi" or "You have to save us now" or something, in the English dub he just looks at Yami and says "Don't screw up." It's funny and so very Kaiba, and considering how confusing and bad this ending is I could have used a funny moment to help keep my sanity because honestly, I think I'm losing my mind just trying to type all this out.

So now Kaiba's dead. Oh no. Dartz ups his power level/life points/sailor crystal magic up to infinity making it EVEN MORE IMPOSSIBLE TO KILL HIM, and then kills everyone except Yami. Dartz is all "You have no one left, Nameless Pharaoh, you were probably evil your past life, but you have no memory, you have nothing, why don't you kill yourself?" to which Yami in his infinite wisdom says "Yeah, that sounds like a great idea" when suddenly all these lights pop up out of nowhere and his friends' ghosts show up and we cut to a scene of Yami naked underwater with a cup in his hand talking about filling it with his new memories and feelings and stuff, and whatever attack he was going to use to kill himself just sort of vanishes.

Now, here's where it gets really trippy. So, Dartz is all "Ok, so you're not going to die, I can live with that, I have infinite life points so you're pretty much screwed anyway." To which Yami replies "Ah, no I'm not, bitch" and proceeds to summon the three dragons' true forms, the three legendary warriors, which for some reason he now happens to have all the cards for, who descend from the heavens and stand around looking impressive. You think this will be the end for Dartz, it's usually around this point that Yami wins and the damn game is over, BUT NO, Dartz turns out to be harder to kill than Rasputin and manages to hold his ground for ANOTHER TWO EPISODES.

Eventually, Yami does manage to defeat him, and Dartz is left standing alone saying "I've been defeated" When suddenly out of nowhere a dragon appears through a random portal and eats him.

......this is where my brain died.

Seriously?! A dragon?! What dragon?! Where the hell did that come from?! Did he summon it?! NO! What it one of the three legendary dragons that have been central to this attempt at a plotline?! NO! Have we even seen it before?! NO!!!! This thing comes out of fucking nowhere. Dartz is just standing there saying "I've been defeated" and then suddenly get eaten by this giant dragon from another dimension. WHAT THE HELL?!! Why did the dragon NOM him?! Where did the dragon come from?! WHAT DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT?!!

So yeah, it's around here you finally start thinking this damn thing might soon be over when suddenly Kaiba (who's alive again, by the way, along with everyone else) is all "We should follow the dragon to see where's it's taken him" and he, Yami, and Jonouchi walk through the portal to go after him.

WHY?! Why is this thing not over yet?! Why do they need to go after him?! Where are they going?! How did the portal open?! Why won't this show explain anything?!

So they end up in this world that looks kind of like the Southern Air Temple from Avatar The Last Airbender and find that Dartz has been turned into stone. Great. Ok. Plot over? NO! They touch him and he disintegrates! Woot! Now is it over?! NO!! The dust particles that once formed him apparently fuse with something that is either the Scientologist Serpent God or the Mysterious Random Dragon thing which makes him mightier than God himself (or something to that effect) Kaiba, Yami, and Jonouchi have an extremely hard to follow battle with him in which I think the animation budget ran out because I honestly can't remember any specific thing happening apart from the three of them taking out their duel disks.

Eventually it seems they have FINALLY defeated him. So they go back to their dimension but before Yugi can go back with Kaiba and Jonouchi Yami stops him and says he feels something in the air.

...WHAT DO YOU FEEL IN THE AIR?! YOU HAVE DEFEATED THE VILLAIN!! WHAT MORE COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE??!! WHAT?!! DARTZ IS STILL ALIVE?!!! AAAAAARRRAAAAAAHHHHHAHGGGGGGAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

So Dartz shows up AGAIN, this time as a cloud of black smoke after having fuzed with, again, something that is either the Scientologist Serpent God or the Mysterious Random Dragon and tells Yami that in order to defeat him he must have a bunch of random flashbacks to overcome his inner darkness.

.............................WHY?!!!!!!!!!

WE HAVE ALREADY DONE THIS PLOT!! YOU HAVE DEFEATED YOUR INNER DARKNESS AT LEAST SIX TIMES BY THIS POINT, WHY ARE YOU DOING IT AGAIN??!! WHY?! WHY IS DARTZ STILL ALIVE?! WHY IS THIS WHOLE PLOTLINE REPEATING ITSELF?!! WHY WON'T THIS SEASON FUCKING END?!!!

So FINALLY Yami defeats his fucking inner darkness, he goes through the portal and washes up on a random beach despite the fact that they were just in the middle of a desert and suddenly Yugi is in control again. He looks up at an approaching helicopter which happens to have all their friends in it, then looks down in his pocket and find the three God Cards they lost at the beginning and remarks that now they can go back to what they were doing before.

So, what this basically means is that at the end of this season every character is in EXACTLY THE SAME SITUATION AS THEY WERE BEFORE!! This season achieved NOTHING!! NOTHING AT ALL!! AHHHHHHHH!!!

So then Yugi looks over at the Pharaoh's spirit which has suddenly transformed into a tanned, ancient Egyptian version of himself and we can now thank whatever deity happens to be around that this atrocity is finally over.

When Casey and I finished this, were ecstatic, and confused, but mostly glad this damn thing was over. It's no wonder this thing took us a year and a half to get through, because it's just so ungodly ridiculous. The story was a mess, the character arcs were disjointed, and worst of all, the entire story was rendered completely pointless by having no development whatsoever by the end of it. I know I shouldn't really be looking for coherent plots in a show about kids saving the world with card games, but seriously, couldn't they have put a bit more effort in? Just a tiny bit?

Casey, if you're reading this, I salute you. You may feel free to murder me at anytime for forcing you to watch this with me.

I'd say more, but it's three AM and I was up early. I'm finally employed so I may actually have to start aiming for normal sleeping hours. Or I may not. I don't know. I don't care. I just want to go read or watch something that has nothing to do with dragons randomly eating evil cult leaders, or emo Pharaohs forced to defeat their inner darkness more times than any sane person should be forced to count.

Good Night Everyone,

*Nelly*

Phantom: Love Never Dies - The Radioplay (Part One)

2010-06-15T22:09:00.001-07:00

Narrator: A prologue. Somewhere that may or may not resemble Coney Island at roughly the turn of the century, stands a mysterious and currently unidentified woman with a french accent. Three guesses who she turns out to be.

French Woman: I am here to provide mysterious exposition in an attempt to mirror the opening scene of the first musical. It's not really working.

Fleck: Yes, yes, there's nothing left...

French Woman: Actually there is...it's Coney Island. There's stuff everywhere.

Fleck: Nothing but ghosts...

French Woman: No, really. There's a roller coaster right behind you.

Fleck: But I knew you'd come back...MADAME GIRY!!

[Dramatic Music]

Madame Giry: No kidding. [Sighs] Fleck! The freak from Phantasma, the city of wonders...you're still here!

Fleck: Of course we're still here. The freaks, the monstrous, the bizarre. Where else could we exist but here?

Madame Giry: New Jersey's pretty freaky.

Fleck: That's true.

Madame Giry: Have you ever tried not dressing like a character from the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Who knows? Maybe you won't be outcasted from society.

Fleck: No! This was his dream! The master's dream! And now it's gone! He's gone! And now, since he disappeared with the child, and a fire randomly consumed everything...

Madame Giry: What?

Fleck: Yeah, the whole fire thing doesn't really get explained. But I'm going to blame it...ON YOU!

Madame Giry: What?

Fleck: Coney Island...Glistening and glittering...rising bright...drenched with light. Every fantasy set free...sun rising by the sea...

Madame Giry: And now I'm going to randomly try to make this into a rock opera!

[Electric Guitars]

Madame Giry: IN THEY CAAAAAAAME!! CHASING SENSATION AND ROMANCE, EYES AFLAAAAAAAAME!! DESPERATE FOR PLEASURES YET UNKNOOOOOOOOOOWN!!!

Fleck: That's the place that you ruined, you fool!

Madame Giry: What, how?

Fleck: I don't know, but for some reason, it's YOUR FAULT!! Let's have a flashback!!

Narrator: Meanwhile, in 1907, which is now inexplicably ten years after 1881...even though it's not...a bunch of random American stereotypes are standing around talking excitedly about Coney Island, and the mysterious attraction "Phantasma" which is totally NOT runned by the Phantom.

Meg Giry: Despite having once had a promising career as the lead dancer in the Corps de Ballet of the Paris Opera House, I'm now a slutty vaudville singer in a cheap freak show put together by a guy who once dropped a corpse in the middle of one of my dances. I'm also randomly in love with him! I'm so in character!

Random Fake New Yorker Girl: Hey girlfriend, our mysterious masked boss is, like, totally into you.

Meg: You think?

Random Fake New Yorker Girl: Like, for sure.

Meg: Then I better sing my hear out for him while acting as slutty and outgoing as possible, despite having been meek and quiet in the first musical! I'm so in character!

Madame Giry: Meg, honey. As your stage mother I'd like to you tell you that you did wonderfully and that some rich guy totally digs you. Also, for some reason I'm still French.

Narrator: Meanwhile, in a secret underground lair, the Phantom is being emo and listening to Evanescence while chatting with a creepy Christine robot.

Christine-bot: THIS COULD HAVE SOME UNFORTUNATE IMPLICATIONS.

Phantom: Shut up! I'm brooding! [Dramatic Sigh] Oh woe is me! Despite the fact that I have not seen her in ten years and I have my own robot version of her at my beck and call, I’m still pining for some random opera singer with no legitimate personality! ONLY THE SUBTLE SOUNDS OF MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE CAN POSSIBLY EXPRESS MY LONGING!! CHRISTINE!!! [Cries in a corner]

Meg: Oh Phantom! Phantom, honey! What did you think about my latest strip tease?

Phantom: Shut up! [Cries]

Meg: But…I inexplicably love you!

Phantom: Too bad!

Meg: Nooooooooo!! [Cries]

Phantom: Christine!! [Cries]

Madame Giry: Oh dear God, someone stop the emo.

Phantom: Wait! Maybe if I bring Christine here, and force her to sing for me again, she’ll suddenly decide she loves me!

Madame Giry: I have a feeling, that probably won’t…

Phantom; It’s brilliant!

Madame Giry: Ok.
Meg: WAAAAAAH!!! [Cries some more]

Madame Giry: I’m supposed to give you some exposition about how Meg and I smuggled you out of France and helped you get on your feet in America, but I really just don’t care.

Phantom: NO ONE CARES!!! [Cries]

Meg: [Cries]

Madame Giry: Whatever.

Narrator: A few months later, Christine and her family disembark with a bunch of other American stereotypes in New York City.

Raoul: I am filled with RAGE!!!

Christine: Why are you so angry, dear? Is it the drinking and the gambling, or the fact that your character got derailed?

Raoul: ALL THREE!!

Christine: There, there, dear. I understand.

Gustave: Mummy, why doesn’t Daddy love me?

Christine: Because he’s not actually you’re fath- I MEAN, he does, dear, you’re just not listening with your heart…or something.

Gustave: Ok.

Narrator: A few hours later…

Phantom: Christine! I have appeared before you to tell you that I am the one who brought you here!

Christine: Gasp! I had no idea!

Phantom: Also, I’m here to remind you about that time we had passionate sex the night before your wedding despite the fact that I rather explicitly said that I couldn’t do that in the first musical.

Christine: Oh, yeah, and I inexplicably fell in love with you despite the fact that you tried to destroy my life and kill my boyfriend.

Phantom: It was kind of a weird night.

Christine: No kidding, you ditched me!

Phantom: What?

Christine: I fell suddenly, madly in love with you and when I woke up the next morning to tell you I wanted to ditch my fiancée and run away with you, you just up and left! What the hell?

Phantom: Oh…well, I was worried you’d reject me.

Christine: What?

Phantom: You know, I’m emo, I thought you’d hate me and reject me like everyone else on Earth because no one understands me and stuff.

Christine: I’d just had sex with you! That’s pretty accepting, if you ask me.

Phantom: I suppose so.

Gustave: Mummy, mummy! I’ve had a convenient nightmare that allows me to be randomly appear in this scene!

Christine: Don’t fret, dear, those happen all the time. This is your father…I MEAN, a friend of mine, Mr. Y.

Phantom: Hello, little boy.

Gustave: He’s creepy…and yet strangely I want to spend the day with him…

Christine: That’s fathers for you.

Gustave: What?

Christine: Nothing! Mr. Y will spend the day with you tomorrow. Now go to sleep. Like, right now.

Gustave: Ok!

Phantom: I’m going to mysteriously disappear now. Have a good night.

Christine: But wait! What about…my song?!

[Dramatic Music]

Narrator: Will Christine ever ever get to sing her song? Will Gustave ever figure out his entire existence is to soften the Phantom’s image so he’s easier to portray as a protagonist? Will Raoul accept his role as undeserving villain? Will Andrew Lloyd Webber ever actually make any money on this? Join us next time to find the answers to almost none of these questions on the next episode of “Phantom: Love Never Dies – The Radioplay!”

TO BE CONTINUED.

Music I Can't Stop Listening To

2010-06-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

Being unemployed sucks.

Seriously. I'm stuck at home with nothing to do, no one to talk to, no money to do anything with, and nothing to watch on TV. No one is hiring, and everyone who is doesn't want someone who's just going to leave in three months. I've filled out more applications in the past two weeks than I did when I was applying to college, and have gotten exactly one interview out of it all. The result? The store was unexpectedly shut down.

I'm really starting to wonder if it's me.

The upshot to all this is that it's given me plenty of time to sit around and listen to music. The downside? The sheer amount of time I've had to do nothing but sit around listening to music has given me lots of time to get unbelievably addicted to music that I would, under normal circumstances, have absolutely no desire to listen to.

Now, my usual musical tastes are kind of...eclectic. I listen to all sorts of things, from Broadway, to classic rock, 80's pop (yes, I realize I wasn't born in the 80's, get over it) the occasional bit of metal, whatever Rufus Wainwright is, and some other stuff that iTunes is always classifying as "Alternative" When it really comes down to it, the only music I really don't like is country. There are even some rap songs I'll listen to before I'll listen to country.

That being said, there are some things that are just definitely not my style, even within the genres I just listed. Certain people will remember my rather vocal dislike of Hanson, for example. Though a lot of their newer music might be miles better than their "Mmbop" days, and some of it could even fit into the type of genres I typically listen to, there's just something about it that I'm just not into. I'm not saying they're bad, I'm just saying it's not something I'm into.

But, as has been proven by my music habits of late, I'm wondering if I still have musical tastes at all. It's not that I'm listening to bad music, some of it's generally seen as being quite good, it's just not stuff I would normally listen to when left on my own.

So what is all this music, then? Well, to be honest, it's not a lot. It's a pretty small playlist at the moment, currently titled "Things I Couldn't Picture Myself Listening To A Year Ago" But, at it stands at the moment, here's the list, and why I'm suddenly so addicted to it.

1.) Lady Gaga - You know! Lady Gaga! The one who's constantly telling you she wants to take a ride on your disco stick usually after having told you on the radio three songs earlier that she's bluffin' with her muffin. Yeah. Unbelievable innuendos aside though, Lady Gaga is actually a really talented person. She writes her own music, puts incredible effort into her work, and if you've ever listened to her live performances you'll know immediately that she can sing. Her crazy, trippy videos are weird and creepy, but are probably some of the most creative stuff in the music industry right now. I'll cite particularly her "Bad Romance" video which is disturbing and fascinating all at the same time. I especially like the shot of her surrounded in floating crystals, while the camera pans around her and everything is frozen in mid-air. It's hard to admit to people that you're a Lady Gaga fan, which is why I was probably hesitating to really sit down and listen to her. There's some sort of general opinion that if you like popular music - be it straight forward pop, pop rock, or anything you hear on Top 40 radio stations - that you have no taste in music. This is strange, because a lot of what is generally considered to be "good music" The Beatles, for example, was pop music. I have musical tastes, I like lots of good music, but I also like Lady Gaga. And you know what, I think she's good as well.

2.) Phantom: Love Never Dies - Now this I just hate. There's no excuse for this. At least Lady Gaga is original and exciting. This is just...well, it's this. It makes me angry in more ways than I can count. My friends and family have had to put up with me ranting about this for weeks now. It's like a bad fanfiction that you can't stop reading. You know it's bad. It's so bad it sends you into a rage that could quite possibly destroy every major city in the world, and yet you can't seem to get rid of it. It's always there. In the CD player of your car, in the music on your phone, the media player on your computer. It's ridiculous plot line and it's gorgeous but unoriginal music haunts your thoughts and your dreams until you're forced to scream to the heavens and listen to Gerard Butler in the movie version of the first musical just convince yourself there's something worse than this. It's that bad. And yet...I can't stop listening to it. I finally had to go away for three days and direct a girl scout camp in the middle of the woods just to stop myself. But, I'll get into this atrocity later. Trust me.

3.) Hollywood Undead - Ok, so I'm not exactly addicted to this. It was more "listened to an entire album on a particularly memorable car ride with resident best friend Casey" We found the Holy Grail! But that's irrelevant. Hollywood Undead is a really, really angry metal group who should really just sit down and watch "Suprise Kitty" on YouTube. I like metal, in part because some of it is actually good, but more because I find it kind of amusing. Just...it's so shouty ALL THE TIME. I realize the world can sometimes be a very dark and distressing place, but does that really mean you have to shout EVERY WORD YOU SAY TO EXPRESS YOUR RAGE? DO THESE BANDS NOT REALIZE THAT PIE MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER? MAYBE IF I SHOUTED IT THEY WOULD REALIZE THE GLORY THAT IS PIE! BUT SADLY, I AM PROBABLY MISTAKEN. PERHAPS I SHOULD SHOUT ABOUT IT!!!! So yeah, metal. Not my usual thing, but fun every once in a while. Apologies to all fans of hardcore metal out there. I'm sure it speaks to you deep in your soul. It just doesn't generally speak to mine.

And for the moment, that's really it. Three things I wouldn't normally catch myself listening to that, for some reason, while I'm bored and unemployed and sitting around feeling sorry for myself, seem to be keeping me from going insane. Except for Love Never Dies. I think that slowly is driving me to madness. But we'll get to that another day.

If anyone who reads this is hiring, please let me know. I'm smart, energetic, friendly, good with people, and am in good academic standing at a relatively well respected university. I can catch lobsters in tidepools, and can make snarky, observational remarks during movies and TV shows. I've been to Israel. I used to work at a Hardware Store, and can tell you the difference between a nut and a bolt.

Please hire me. Please.

Hope you're all having a good summer. I'm off to get some sleep, it's quarter to three. Has anyone noticed that I'm twice as more likely to actually post a Blog entry the later it gets in the night? Go figure?

Good Night,

*Nelly*

College Adventures

2010-05-15T07:23:00.001-07:00

So my freshman year of collage is over. My dorm room is packed, and all I have left to do is pack it all into my mom's station wagon and get it back to New Hampshire. Of the four occupants of my "suite" only two of us are left. There's a weird sense of finality to it, despite knowing that, in theory, I'm going to be back here again in a few months and that everyone I've met and grown close to is going to be here as well. This isn't the end, but I suppose every "last day of school" feels like it is.

This has been an unbelievably bizarre year. To say that it was weird doesn't really cover it, nor does calling it random, though both descriptions are actually pretty accurate. To a degree, your first year of college is supposed to be an "adventure" since it's your first taste of being almost completely on your own, but I'm almost positive that when most people think of the "college adventure" it doesn't really go the way this year went.

In general, college-type adventures are seen as either one of two things:

1.) A journey of intense self discovery, in which being on your own gives you the chance to try new things on your own terms and discover things about yourself you never knew existed. This is usually life affirming and uplifting.

Or:

2.) Wild, crazy, toga-covered hijinks, in which everyone gets horribly drunk, someone loses their virginity, everyone randomly goes on a road trip, and we all wake up the next morning on someone else's lawn covered in toilet paper and crushed up fritos. I believe this is also somehow supposed to be life affirming and uplifting.

While this year certainly had elements of both - I am psychologically in a far different place than I was when I moved in, and there were a few wild, though ultimately nerdy parties that went down in here - it really can't be purely defined as one, the other, or both. It just kind of was.

When I moved into the room I'm now sitting in the middle of, it look about the same as it does now. It was off-white, blank, generic, imposing, all those things a dorm room is supposed to be. My roommate had already shown up at the time, and the two of us bonded as we added things to the dusty blankness we both tentatively called home. Over the course of the year, things were added and removed, our DVD collection grew, our posters became more numerous, I finally disconnected that clock I never used. It never really became the most attractive place to live, but we made it look "lived in" which is really all we needed.

But of course, we weren't the only ones. Our dorm - called a "suite" - consisted of two bedrooms, a common room, and a bathroom. Each bedroom held two people, meaning that, yes, we had roommates. Or rather "suitemates" as it came to be called. Though we initially stayed in our own rooms, my roommate and I having quickly bonded tended to stay to ourselves, a day eventually came when we invited one of our suitemates to come to the mall with us. For some reason, that was it. The three of us bonded almost instantly, and suddenly, we were a group of three.

I started the year as a bit of a shell. Halfway through my final year of high school I had taken a downward spiral into a depression I hadn't really been able to pull myself out of yet. It was a combination of a long standing inferiority complex with a lot of confidence, perception, and stress issues that for some reason picked the second half of my senior year to come to foray. By the time I started college, things had gotten a bit better, but were by no means gone. I was utterly convinced that I was inferior to basically everyone I came in contact with and was pretty sure that any personality or unique-ness I may have once had in me was long gone.

This was, of course, all crazy. However, add this all the fact that, when I started the year, I was a drama major. Yeah. A person who instantly thought that they were inferior to everyone they ever came in contact with was trying to pursue a degree in something that thrives in competition and, ultimately, rejection. You can probably guess how well that was going.

So naturally, in response, I went to the city, ran into Bernadette Peters, was pushed over by a five-year-old in Rockefeller Center, did some bizarre dating, went to Israel, rode a camel, wrote a play about someone chopping someone's hand off, went to both a Shabbat and a Mass, watched my suitemate nearly die from a freak brain aneurysm, got sent to Florida, had two people inexplicably vanish in the same week, met Joey Fatone from Nsync (seriously, WTF?), aced a Philosophy exam without even trying, met the Doctor at an Apple store in SoHo, and somewhere in there dyed my hair neon pink.

Yeah.

There are really few things that can accurately describe the weirdness that went down during this school year. It was like someone had found this bag of old TV plot twists and just dumped them on us. Just when things were starting to look normal, something completely inexplicable would happen out of nowhere and we'd all be left standing around asking "What just happened?"

I'm not going to lie, it wasn't exactly pleasant. Not all of it, at least. Some of it was fun, some of it was tragic, but somehow, in the end, it all ended up working out. We all survived, which for some was a lot harder than others, but despite all the completely random things that kept getting thrown at us, despite the unbelievably ridiculous circumstances we kept finding ourselves in, we all survived.

And, you know what, if this year has taught me anything, it's taught me that. Shit happens. Anything, no matter how crazy it seems, can happen. But we keep going anyway. Suddenly, as more and more madness kept happening to me and around me, the whole "am I as good as everyone else?" question sort of faded away. It just didn't matter anymore. I went to Israel, for God's sake, I wrote a play about severed hands, why on Earth would I ever think I wasn't interesting?

Plus, there were greater concerns at hand. At the age of eighteen, there is a million in one chance that a person would suddenly have a ruptured brain aneurysm. Somehow, that one person turned out to be my suitemate, in what was probably one of the most traumatic WTF moments to ever happen to a bunch of college freshmen. There was no rhyme or reason for it, no lead in, nothing. It just happened. As everything else had just happened. And we suddenly found ourselves spending more time than anyone should have to hanging out in a Neuro ICU.

Luckily, because she's her, she stubbornly refused to die, and is now standing happy and healthy, though with a gigantic scar on her head, in my near empty room.

This is crazy. There is a million in one chance that this would happen anyway, and then a ten million to one chance that she would live. 60% of the people who go through this die instantly when it happens, and yet somehow, she lived.

So when I looked down at myself and realized that somehow, inexplicably, I was really unhappy in the major that I had one year earlier been so rampantly passionate about, I was finally able to just shrug my shoulders and move on. I finally able to just stop worrying, let myself go, and see where things took me.

Because, you know what? Life is insane. Things just happen. Great things and horrible things. Sometimes all at once. There's no telling when things are going to happen, and there's no way to know what's coming up. You just have to let things happen.

In one year I've traveled halfway across the world and watched my friend survive something all statistics said she shouldn't have.

And so now, I'm sitting here on the desk in my practically empty room, waiting for my family to come and officially move me out. There are no posters on the wall anymore, no DVDs, no papers covering the floor, just boxes of packed up stuff. In a few hours, it'll be like no one was ever hear. And in a few months, when everything reopens for the new semester, a whole new foursome of freshmen will move in here, and make this empty room their home. Who knows if their stay will be as crazy, random, tragic, insightful, and just flat out weird as ours was. We'll probably never know.

But in spite of it, despite the empty walls and lingering last words, as I said earlier, this isn't the end. It never is. Even if something else happens to us, as we spend the summer in our separate corners of the country, it won't be the end.

To everyone I met this year, have an epic summer. Go on an adventure. Have fun.

*Nelly*

The Top 20 Greatest Villain Songs

2010-05-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, so a video recently came out on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com which counted down the top eleven villain songs…I guess, ever written. It was a pretty good list, some things I whole-heartedly agreed with, while others I thought were a bit suspect. So, naturally, because I’m me and I’m trying to stall from studying for finals, it got me thinking about what songs I would put on that list. What do I think are the greatest villain songs ever?

Congratulations, you’re about to find out.

Now, as a lot people know, I take my villains very seriously. I have always been drawn to villainous characters, and nine times out of then I’m more likely to be a fan of the villain than the actual hero. I find villains more edgy, more truthful (if a bit exaggerated), and really just more interesting than your typical hero, and have always loved picking apart villains in just about anything I read, watch, or hear. The motive to do evil is so much more fascinating than the motive to do good, probably because in my own life I’m, I hope, usually more motivated to do good and treat people right. Why a person would want to be evil is something different and a bit more difficult to grasp for me, which is probably, ultimately, why I’m drawn to the subject.

Now, that being said. I’m also a fan of musicals. Stage musicals, animated musicals, movie musicals, musical episodes of random TV shows, British musical cop/crime/mystery dramas, you name it. If there’s music, chances are I’ll be into it. Being such a musical fan, as well as such a villain fan, this would, of course, make me a rather huge fan of villain songs. Just as villains are always the most interesting characters to me, villain songs are, by far, the best songs in any given musical. Well, at least in most of them. There are the occasional musicals which either don’t have a villain, have a non-singing villain, or whose villains songs just kind of suck. But, for the most part, the villains always get the best songs.

So, without further ado, I give you my list of the, not eleven, but twenty greatest villain songs I’ve ever heard. Why not eleven? Because there are too damn many of them. I’ve tried to provide links to the songs on YouTube, so that their awesomeness can be spread around. If I couldn’t find the song and you desperately want to hear it, let me know, and I’ll try to find a way to get it to you.

So, here we go! Let’s start with:

20.) The Queen of the Night Aria, from The Magic Flute

I’m not really sure if this counts as a villain song, per say, since it’s debatable whether or not the Queen of the Night can be seen as truly a villain, but for me, this was the original villain song. I spent a good deal of childhood obsessively watching this copy of The Magic Flute we somehow acquired from my uncle, and this was, by far, my favorite song. It’s rich and dark, despite being sung in a ridiculously high register, it’s dramatic and threatening and really, just overall completely kick-ass. (I’m sure Mozart would have loved to have heard one of his arias referred to as “kick-ass”) I wanted to be this woman in the worst way when I was a kid, and spent a lot of my time standing on the coffee table in the family room trying to sing this piece. I think it’s the emotion of it, the sheer anger that I love. I found a translation of the words recently that said the first two lines were “The vengeance of Hell boils in my heart/Death and despair flame around me!” If my mother ever said that to me, I would be scared.

19.) What You Feel, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Ok, so I’m kind of a sucker for musical episodes. I mean, I know they’re kind of gimmicky, and that it’s really hard to pull them off right without seeming stupid, but even those who hate musical episodes have to admit that the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Once More With Feeling” was, undeniably awesome. Not only did they manage to create a situation that was both appropriate for the show and true to the characters, they also managed to write a whole bunch of ridiculously catchy and impressive songs that made sense. This song isn’t really the best to showcase just how awesome Joss Whedon did at writing character and plot appropriate songs, but it is an example of how awesome this villain is. The plot of the episode isn’t really all that important, it’s your basic “demon comes and makes everybody start singing like a musical” plotline, and it would have been so easy to just sort of throw the actual villain off the side and ignore him, but instead, we get this. A tap-dancing, jazz singing, classic Broadway-esque demon in a color-changing suit, singing an ultra-sinister song about how song and dance can manipulate you to feel emotions you didn’t know you had. It’s crazy and seductive (in a weird, demon-y kind of way…) and really, just crazy awesome. If you haven’t seen “Once More With Feeling” or even if you’ve never seen Buffy, check this out. It’s seriously epic, and the subtitles are kind of awesome.

18.) My Lullaby, from The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride

As much as I absolutely loath the vast majority of the Disney sequels, the second Lion King movie actually wasn’t that bad. It was un-needed, but it wasn’t bad. There are two songs that stick with me most from this movie, “He Lives in You” which is actually from the Broadway version of the first movie, and this song, “My Lullaby”. It’s sung by Zira, who was apparently Scar’s mate and now, like Scar, wants to kill the king. Her connection to Scar is clear in the tone and environment of this song, which almost directly echoes Scar’s “Be Prepared” without all the Nazi imagery. I think I like how utterly sadistic this song is. “The sound of Simba’s dying gasp/ His daughter squealing in my grasp/His lioness’ mournful cry, that’s my lullaby.” I mean, this woman is insane. The rest of the movie’s ok, if a bit predictable, but this song really elevates it above the vast majority of the other Disney sequals. It’s certainly better than Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time.

17.) The Point of No Return, from The Phantom of the Opera

There is a tendency among villain songs to be somewhat seductive in nature as, typically, the villain is trying to seduce us into sympathizing with their cause. This song, though not necessarily trying to get us to sympathize with the villain, definitely showcases the sexual, seductive undertones to many villain songs. The song is basically the musical representation of the Phantom’s repressed sexuality since, as he says later on, “the fate which condemns me to wallow in blood, has also denied me the joys of the flesh.” Since he can’t have it, he writes a very, very extensive metaphor for it and then sneaks in to sing it with the woman he’s in love with, who he is also planning to kidnap shortly thereafter. Villainous? Oh yes. This is by no means the only villain song in this show, there’s the title song, for one thing, which is unbelievably badass, and the many threatening notes he sends to the managers of the Opera House, but in my mind, it’s this song that puts him at his most dangerous. He’s not exactly a villain, but for the eight minutes he sings this song, he’s the very personification of the seductive, evil villain we all know and love. I wish there was a video of Michael Crawford singing this song, since his Phantom is the Phantom, and he’s about a thousand times more sinister than Gerard Butler, but this one works too. Gerard Butler is quite sexy, I’ll give you that.

16.) The Last Midnight, from Into The Woods

This is another one I couldn’t find the right clip for. This is Vanessa Williams from the revival, who does a very good job, but sort of pales in comparison to the legendary Bernadette Peters, who completely blows this part out of the water. For some reason, despite the fact that the rest of her performance is on YouTube, this one song doesn’t seem to be available anywhere, so we get Vanessa. What can you do? Anyway, this song is basically the Witch pointing out all the stupid things about human nature, about how everyone else in the cast was so busy arguing they forgot about the baby, thus proving that petty arguments and selfishness blinds you to the well being of future generations. It’s a very creepy song, and almost an inversion of the typical villain song as all she’s doing is pointing out how villainous everyone else is acting, and lamenting the fact that the baby, the only true innocent on stage, is going to grow up to be just corrupt as everyone else. It’s unnerving and, when sung by Bernadette Peters, very, very powerful. Also, it’s Stephan Sondheim, so, it’s sort of guaranteed to be awesome.

15.) Forever Yours, from Once On This Island

This song is especially interesting because it doesn’t start out as a villain song. At the beginning, it’s a love song between Timoune and Daniel, as she desperately tries to keep him alive after a car accident. It’s pretty and melodic, and fairly standard as far as love songs go, with some pretty harmonies between the two singers that make you sit there and go “aww….” Unfortunately for them, the song is hijacked towards the end by the somewhat ridiculously frightening Papa Ge, the god of Death. Once this happens, the song is instantly transformed into a villain song of epic proportions. The song is intense and threatening while still using the exact same melody as Timoune and Daniel’s love song, thus emphasizing the connection between love and death. This is also one of those songs you can listen to over and over again and not get tired of. Or at least, I can. I once wrote an entire paper to this song. Just this song. The video is of the production from the Philippines, which is actually one of the best versions of this ever done, apparently. Personally, I like the Papa Ge on the soundtrack a bit better, but this guy still does a fantastic job.

14.) The Dark of the Night, from Anastasia

This link is audio-only, which is probably a good thing since, as was noted in the villain song list on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com, this song is about three times more epic without the little pink bugs running around everywhere. I have the soundtrack to this movie, thanks to the roommate, and when this song comes up on shuffle, I’ll admit, it gives me shivers. This is Rasputin singing about his evil plan to kill Anastasia because she’s the last of the Romanovs, even though historically he wasn’t all that evil and she wasn’t all that alive. It’s one of two truly memorable songs in a movie that, for all it’s pretty animation and witty dialogue, you can’t help but watch without feeling a bit uneasy. I especially like the end where he’s all “Come my minions/Rise for your master/Let your evil shine.” As much as the Russian history fan in me is screaming, that is pretty sinister and awesome.

13.) Les Poissons, from The Little Mermaid

Yeah, so this guy’s not really a villain, actually, he’s just sort of a random side character, but this song kicks so much ass it had to be on this list. Seriously, this is the most sadistic chef on the face of the earth, and what’s even better is that he enjoys every minute of it. I mean, he’s trying to kill Sebastian. Sebastian. The singing crab. And yet, he just keeps on happily attempting murder, making every kid who watches this suddenly want to become a vegetarian. I also love how this song has absolutely nothing at all to do with the plot of the movie, it just comes out of nowhere and is never referred to again. It’s random and ridiculous, but I think that’s why I love it. It’s sadism the whole family can love.

12.) Marley and Marley, from A Muppet Christmas Carol

Holy crap, I love this movie. Like seriously, I’m a huge fan of A Christmas Carol, I’ve read it at least four times, and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every film adaption of it ever (except the recent Jim Carey version, which I’m still not sure how I feel about) and ironically, it’s this version that is my all-time favorite. It’s one of the closest adaptations I’ve ever seen, and despite some rather obvious creative license, I think is the closest to the message Charles Dickens wanted to get out. This song, in particular, showcases how well done this movie is. Yes, there are two Marleys now, which is wrong, I know, but it works. It doesn’t change the story much, or really at all, and allows for this unbelievably catchy song. It tells the entire story of Jacob Marley, gets the point of his character across, and moves the plot alone all at the same time. It’s clever, it’s effective and it’s an undeniably awesome song. Another point for the Muppets.

11.) Cell Block Tango, from Chicago

Hell yeah. Nothing says evil like a bunch of leather-clad women singing about how they murdered the men that pushed them too far. And, how they were perfectly justified in doing so. My mother calls this the “ultimate PMS song.” It’s fairly common to cast a woman as the villain in musicals, the idea that women are inherently evil dates all the way back to Adam and Eve, but very rarely is the woman the focus of the piece. When she is the focus, she’s usually the ingénue, the sweet, pure innocent. This is a rare musical in which, not only is it entirely about women, it’s entirely about evil women, women who are willing to kill a man in cold blood because he popped his bubblegum one too many times. This show is about the dark side of femininity, and never is that more clear than in this song. It’s sharp and aggressive, the dancing getting gradually more confrontational as the song goes on, till we have what seems like an army of angry, dangerous women kicking and stamping and almost screaming out the lyrics under this intense blood red lighting. This scene is amazingly choreographed, and amazingly staged, and really, is just plain amazing. If you haven’t seen Chicago, there’s something wrong with you. Really.

10.) You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch, from How The Grinch Stole Christmas

This one was on the list on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com but it came dead last, so I’m here to remedy that. This song is one of those song you absolutely have to listen to around Christmas. It’s so embedded into our culture, it’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t at least know the lyric “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch” if not the entire song. This song is creatively written and amazingly sung by Tony the Tiger himself, Thurl Ravenscroft, and really, is just epic in every sense of the word. There’s really not much to say about this one, it sort of speaks for itself.

9.) No Good Deed, from Wicked

God, it took me a while to find this clip, but it was worth it because you really need to see Idina do it to get down how truly awesome this song is. Wicked is a really interesting case when it comes to villain songs, because the show doesn’t really have a specific villain. Every character can be considered a villain at some point during the show, but then, they can also be considered a hero, or just simply misguided. It’s a really interesting look at good and evil, and manages to turn both concepts completely on their heads. This song though, is by far the closest thing the show gets to a legitimate villain song, and dear God, it’s worth it. Holy crap. This is Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, giving up on good once and for all and deciding to finally embrace the title of “wicked” that society seems to have forced on her. Her reasoning and motivation for her fall to evil is particularly interesting, simply stated as “no good deed goes unpunished”. Good will bring you nothing, at this point, so she might as well be evil. It’s a fascinating, show stopping number that, no matter how morally grey this show is, definitely deserves the title of epic villain song.

8.) Slipping, from Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog

Ok, so just about everyone who knows me knows I’m a Dr. Horrible fangirl, but really, just listen to this song. This is the villain song. I mean, the entire blog/film/episode/musical/thing is about a villain, so naturally just about every other song could be considered a villain song, but it’s this song that really clinches it. This is Dr. Horrible holding an entire room entranced, gloating and monologue-ing and just generally being a quintessential supervillain. The beginning is almost hypnotic in a way, it’s got this slow, calm rhythm that slips easily into your head (so that by the time you get to class the next morning, you’re humming it while trying to dissect the Papyrus of Ani) but then suddenly switches and goes completely chaotic, emphasizing the anarchy that Dr. Horrible is ultimately after. An interesting thing my mother pointed out when watched this was that, unlike most standard male villains, Dr. Horrible is a tenor, which is sort of out of place, but I think is ultimately what makes the song unique. So…um, hooray for evil tenors! There should be more of you!

7.) A Little Priest, from Sweeney Todd

This was hard to narrow down, because really, pretty much every song in Sweeney Todd can be considered a villain song, but after discussing it with my roommate, we eventually concluded that this song fits the standard villain song format the best. This song is funny. I mean, you don’t want to laugh at it, but…you just do. It’s Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett discussing their plans to kill and bake people into pies. It’s a cheery upbeat song about cannibalism, for god’s sake, but it’s hilarious. Why is it a villain song? Well, both Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett can be considered villains, despite being the protagonists, and this is about their murderous evil plans, so…it works! It totally works. Really though, this entire play should be listed, even the love song “Johanna” is basically an ode to stalking.

6.) Ramases side of The Plagues, from The Prince of Egypt

If you want to get really cynical, I suppose you could call this God’s villain song, but since all his singing pretty much consists of choruses of people chanting “I sent my scourge/I sent my sword/Thus said the lord,” and I’d rather not get struck down by fire and brimstone anytime soon, we’re going to just go with Ramses’ side of it. If anyone is the villain of this movie, it’s Ramses, and while the first half of this song is just a lot of epic chanting with the occasional interlude from Moses, it’s not till about halfway through that this really becomes Ramses’ villain song. I mean listen to his lyrics “Then let my heart be hardened/And never mind how high the cost may grow/This will still be so/I will never let your people go.” That’s pretty damned villainous. I suppose the more traditional villain song from this movie would be “Playing With The Big Boys Now” sung by the two priests of Ra, but really, that song doesn’t really have as much substance as this. This song really shows just how divided these two brothers have gotten, how they’ve been forced into the roles of villain and hero. It’s not really till this point that you accept that Ramses is, in fact, the true villain of the piece, either. Before that you still think of him as Moses’ goofy brother, even when he’s sitting on the thrown and laughing at him. It’s not till he sings his verse of this song where you finally accept that he is the villain.

5.) The Mob Song, from Beauty and the Beast

When I was asking around for villain songs, I got a lot people who suggested “Gaston.” I picked this song instead because unlike in “Gaston” it’s this song where Gaston actually becomes in a villain. Through most of the movie, Gaston is just someone who is mildly annoying. You want to smack him, but he is, essentially, harmless. By the time he gets here though, and he’s convincing an entire village to go hunt down the Beast in cold blood, purely because the woman he loves is in love with him, he has become a full, fledged villain. Also, this entire song is just scary. It’s scary in the movie, it’s terrifying onstage, and if you really take a second to listen to the words, it give you chills. I mean, there’s Gaston’s “Hear him roar/Watch him foam/But we’re not coming home till he’s dead/Good and dead.” Then there’s the mob itself, “We don’t like what understand/In fact it scares us/And this monster is mysterious at least.” Not to mention the frequent cries of “Kill the beast!” All because one guy didn’t get the girl he wanted. I mean, that’s evil. That’s selfishness and ignorance and basically everything that’s wrong with society and humanity all rolled into one morally objectionable black ball. And that’s why Beauty and the Beast got the Oscar nomination.

4.) Dentist Song, from Little Shop of Horrors

This song was chosen for two reasons. One, it’s funny and sadistic, kind of like Les Poissons, and Steve Martin is kind of awesome. Two, because I needed to fill this spot so that my suitemate and I could go to dinner. I’m a big fan of Little Shop of Horrors, and though just about anything Audrey II sings could be considered a villain song, this one is the one I remember the most. Maybe it’s the song, maybe it’s Steve Martin, I don’t know. For some reason, this song just owns.

3.) Hellfire, from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

This song is dark. I mean dark. Especially for a Disney movie. It digresses from your typical villain song in that it’s not a villain gloating or making grand plans, it’s actually about a struggle. Frollo is lusting after Esmeralda, already a big taboo for Disney, but is battling with his deeply held religious faith. The song is his struggle to understand his lust, which goes against everything he’s supposed to stand for, and everything he’s trying to live up to. It’s your basic struggle between human desires and faith, but the way it’s done is just…spectacular. The scene has all sorts of symbolism in it, and is definitely the most sexually charged song Disney has ever come up with. The fact that sexual desire is represented by fire is graphic enough, then comes all the religious and mythological references, the fact that if she doesn’t agree to “be his” that he will burn her alive, the constant references to God and hell, really this is like the anti-Disney song. What’s also interesting is that the song that Quasimodo sings about his love for Esmeralda comes right before this and is called “Heaven’s Light” whereas this song is called “Hellfire” and is about lust for Esmeralda, not love. Now we have contrasting imagery with heaven and light symbolizing love, while hell and fire very blatantly symbolizing lust. This is dark stuff to be tackling in a Disney movie, and whatever your opinion is on this film, you’ve got to give them some credit for taking the risk. I love the image of Esmeralda dancing in the flames, and the darkened figures in red cloaks that throw blame at Frollo. Everything in this sequence is either dark and gothic or scorching and fiery. Seriously, I could probably write a paper on this scene alone, there’s so much to it. Also, notice the dark figure that enter the castle about halfway through, to report to Frollo, apparently there’s speculation that this is the devil, which I think is a really interesting way to look at it. Especially since he’s just gotten done saying “It’s in God’s plan/He made the devil so much stronger than a man” which, I think is the entire point to the song and is definitely my favorite lyric. I should probably move on now…

2.) Poor Unfortunate Souls, The Little Mermaid

No, not the version done by the Jonas Brother. Seriously. I’m talking the original, animated song that helped usher in the Disney Renaissance of the 1990’s. This song is basically Ariel being tempted by the devil and ultimately choosing to sell her soul. The only difference is that in this version, the devil is a large octopus/witch/lady/thing. The idea, though, is basically the same. Ursula will give you anything you want, she’ll make you beautiful, thin, famous, anything you want, all you have to do is give her something in return, like your voice. Oh, and make sure you achieve the objective you’re going for, or she’ll turn you into a wrinkled…soul…thing. This song is great because it plays on a very common human desire, our insecurities, the fact that deep down we all want to change something about ourselves. Somehow, despite the fact that we know that there’s a fairly large catch, her deal somehow manages to look appealing. I don’t want to give up my voice, I’m fairly attatched to it, but I would sure like to look like Eliza Dushku…for a second, I admit, I would consider it. And that’s what so creepy and effective about this song, she makes her horrific, demonic methods seem almost humanitarian. Plus, the song is really kick-ass. I mean, I’m probably going to have it stuck in my head

1.) Be Prepared, from The Lion King

And of course, the greatest villain song ever has to be “Be Prepared” from none other than The Lion King. This song is so dark and creepy, but has a bizarre manic energy to it that makes it one of the most complex Disney villain songs out there. It starts with Scar singing with distain; he’s surrounded by idiots. It’s relatively calm, reserved, and deliberate. Then, as he gradually gets more passionate about what he’s saying, the song builds momentum, his voice becomes stronger, his eyes start to look a little bit more unhinged, and you start to worry. This worry continues until, out of nowhere, the hyenas are suddenly Nazis, marching in formation that was, apparently, actually based on footage of Nazi rallies. At this point, you start feeling really uneasy, and you start to feel just how power hungry this character is. When he jumps off his pedestal and the lighting suddenly turns red, and the fire starts exploding around him, and you realize that the look in his eyes has finally lost any trace of the calm, reserved sanity he had at the beginning, that’s when you start getting scared. You’ll also notice that he seems to change his tone right around this point as well, suddenly becoming a bit stronger and gruffer, with almost no trace of reservation. This is actually because Jeremy Irons couldn’t complete the song, and so Jim Cummings, of Winnie the Pooh fame, stepped in to finish it for him. The switch occurs on the line “You won’t get a sniff without me” and is only noticeable if you’re really, really listening. Personally, I think it works to the song’s advantage, since that’s really the specific moment the song should have changed tone, as the new voice sounds less controlled, and Scar seems to have lost that controlled, reserved mindset he had earlier anyway. The song slowly builds and gives you time to get truly scared before hitting you with what is probably the best ending to an animated song ever, the image of scar and the hyenas on a thin, eerie castle-like rock, with the yellow crescent moon behind them. It’s scary and perfect, and visually shows you just what delusions of grandeur scar really has. It’s the perfect ending to what is, in my mind, a perfect villain song.

And so, that’s my list. There are a lot of other kick-ass villain songs out there, as well a lot of kick-ass non-singing villains who are just as awesome as their singing counterparts. If you think I left something out, let me know, and I’ll…um, make a note of it? Make a sequel? I don’t know, I’ll do something with it.

In The Begining...

2010-05-12T06:32:00.000-07:00

God created the Blog.

Well, sort of. First, he created teenage girls. He said, "And lo, there shall descend upon the Earth humans of the female persuasion who have reached physical maturity but have yet to calm themselves down long enough to realize it. They shall scream a lot, dye their hair, have passive aggressive conflicts with their fellow kind, question their identity, be as over dramatic as possible, and probably have a crush on David Boreanaz."

And so it came to pass that there were teenage girls. And there was much eye-rolling.

Eventually, God became bored, and so he created the internet, so he could play online Poker with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and occasionally with Zeus, who sometimes felt a bit left out. It didn't take long before humanity ended up getting in on this as well, and so God was forced to share his creation with those below him.

But humanity did strange things to the internet. Rather than using it for responsible things, like gaming and watching porn, human beings started using it as a form of communication. They invented things like "Instant Messanger" and "Facebook" and the cosmically reviled "Twitter." They began to voice their opinions on things, to each other, and to themselves, opinions on things ranging from politics and religion to Miley Cyrus' hair color, and it was then that God realized the need to organize things.

And so he created the Blog. He said, "And lo, there shall be on the internet applications similar to diaries. Humanity may share their thoughts there and pretend that other people care about their lives."

And there was much rejoicing.

But then came the day, that dreaded, legendary day, when the teenage girls that God had previously brought forth found the all holy invention of the Internet, and in turn, the even more holy invention of the Blog. There suddenly appeared a multitude of melodramatic entries; long, usually poorly written musings on the emotional state of the writer, vague attempts to sound profound. This madness escalated until one day God said "Enough! Please go to college."

And so this Blog was born.

Hello. My name is Nelly. This is my Blog. This is a continuation of my previous Blog "The World Is Very Strange" which I kept all four years of High School and continues to be an embarrassing though important part of who I am today. That Blog is a lot more personal, and has a lot of teenage emo moments. This Blog will, hopefully, be different. I'll try to keep the tone casual, to write opinion pieces rather than diary entries. Every now and then I'll probably throw in a little update as to what I'm up to, just because I can. I'm not expecting a huge amount of people to ever read this, but you never know.

In the meantime, wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome. We're glad to have you here =D